It was one year ago today that my bed rest turned into hospital stay. I checked into Duke Medical Center around 6 pm on May 7th, 2009. It was the beginning of the end. I have this horrible fear that today I will end up at the hospital again. I know it sounds crazy. Why would the time of the year have anything to do with anything? This is a completely different situation, right? I guess part of that fear stems from the fact that I went on bed rest this time around almost exactly one year from the date I went on bed rest last year. There are still moments every day that feel a little too much like deja vu.
I am also fearful because Justin is out of town 2 1/2 hours away and he doesn't have great cell service where he is. I have had dreams for two nights now that I went into labor and either he wasn't willing or couldn't get here in time. Yes, I have dreamed he refused to come home and miss the weekend events to be here for the birth of our child. Pregnancy dreams are crazy!
Pregnancy loss and difficulties are also at the front of my mind for a different reason. Not only am I remembering what we went through last year, but I also have friend who are in the midst of some very difficult times. I blogged several weeks ago about all of the women who have difficulty becoming pregnant and women who have difficulty carrying babies full term. Please continue to pray for those women. Two in particular, have had especially difficult weeks. Their stories aren't mine to share, but please be in prayer for physical healing and emotional strength for them both.
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7 months ago
1 comment:
You are such a precious woman of Faith.
I can attest to those feelings all too well. With every (3) child I was hospitalized mid-way through my pregnancy and it was NOT a good feeling each time. The outcome always just presented itself as bleak. There have been people that ask us, "Are you ever going to try again?"
My answer to that is that if God calls us to it we will not back down, but in my heart I cannot do it yet again! It HURTS too badly. I sit and think about it and just know it would be entirely too hard to relive the days leading up to the middle of my pregnancy. When it all comes crashing down.
I am praying that your heart would be filled up by the presence of the Holy Spirit and that God would quiet the fears welling up inside. You are at a great place and HE will sustain you no matter the outcome... HE is FOR you!
And yes, pregnancy dreams are NOT cool!
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