LITTLE ANKLE BITER

I have been going back and forth for several months about our childcare situation. For those of you who don't know, Grayson is in daycare on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday he in the a church preschool program from 9 until 12:30. This means on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I go to work all day and on Tuesday and Thursday I work until pick-up time at 12:30. Typically on one of those days per week, Tuesday or Thursday Grayson will go back to my office while I finish up my work for the day. He naps right after preschool so he just goes to sleep when he gets there.

For me this situation isn't ideal. I love my job and it has always been my dream to have my own practice, but being a business owner and clinical director does not allow me to be at home as much as I would like. Truthfully, there are days when I think I would really enjoy being able to stay at home full-time and then there are days that I can't imagine not having my work to go to because I enjoy it so very much. It helps that I work alongside many mothers who are in the same situation and love what they do as much as I do. Most of our therapists with children are part-time. So, for now I juggle both. I still consider myself a part-time stay at home mom and full-time clinical director and that is really what I am doing. Think about that for a minute. Full-time plus part-time? On most days I manage it well, but on some days I feel like I am doing neither successfully.

That was sort of a tangent. I really didn't mean to write this post about what my day looks like. It is supposed to be about Grayson's days. SO. . .you have his schedule and that is really what I am struggling with. Since right now I can't arrange to be at home more(This summer that will change for maternity leave), we have arranged for Grayson to be cared for while I am at work. We LOVE his preschool classroom/teachers and he loves it there. There is a lot of structure (Grayson thrives with structure) and because it is at a church they work hard to instill Christian values, character, and seem to really be supporting what we teach at home. Daycare, not so much. Don't get me wrong. Everyone at daycare is kind and wonderful. They all love Grayson and have known him since he was almost 4 months old when he started. Those people were a huge support for us when we lost our girls and continue to be great to us. The center is Christian owned, but it is a daycare. That means you get a mix of all types of people with all types of beliefs.

We are working very hard to train Grayson up and shepherd his heart so that he is a child that loves God with all of his heart, respects others, is a contributing member of society, and lives in a way that pleases God. Yes, we realize that is a big job, but it is what we are called to do as parents. What does that look like in a 22 month old? Well, we expect Grayson to be kind to others, share, listen and obey, use polite words (please, thank-you, etc.), and help at home. Yes, he has chores. I help him with all of them, but he is expected to make his bed and pick up his toys. Is he perfect? No, neither are we. When he does something that would not be pleasing to God (and does not please his parents), we look at that as a teaching moment and an opportunity to show him how to seek forgiveness. AFter all, God watches us fail every day and uses those moments to love us, teach us, and forgive us again and again. Again, tangent. That could be a whole other post.

So here is my current issue and source of some sleepless nights. Grayson does not seem to enjoy daycare as much as preschool and I am not enjoying what he is learning there. Grayson cries when I drop him off. Now, he is having a blast when I pick him up, but I think it is representative of something (I don't know what) that he cries there and clings to me, but I can barely get a "bye-bye" at preschool because he is in such a hurry to get inside. Where preschool seems to support and back-up what we are doing at home, daycare may not be. I say "may" because I don't really know. What I do know is that Grayson has been bitten twice, has had his lip busted once, and regularly comes home with strange scrapes and what not. Now, I am not delusional. I know that he is a boy and will get hurt during play. These injuries are most often being inflicted upon him. I have the incident reports to prove it. Additionally, I have been in the class when a child is hurt by another and most often there is no redirection, no discipline, no nothing. Well, I have seen like one forced apology.

The problem is that Grayson is seeing behaviors accepted all day long that are not acceptable in our home. He is learning behaviors that I am not happy with. He is learning to scream words like "mine" and "no" when he doesn't want to share or follow a rule. That is NOT okay with me. I expect him to test his boundaries and pick things up here and there. I don't expect him to always want to share or follow the rules. He is a sinner like the rest of us and will not always get it right. The issue is that he is taught at home that when he is not being kind or obedient, he is punished or redirected (depending on the offense)and required to seek forgiveness. That is not the model at daycare which I feel sends him conflicting messages. On the afternoons he returns from daycare he is a different child. He is "different" for about two hours. He cries easily, does not listen to directions, breaks rules, tantrums, and the list can go on and on. THAT is not my child. It takes two hours to train him back to the way we expect him to act at home. It is frustrating.

That final straw came last night. He was frustrated that I would not let him have a snack 20 minutes before dinner. He became angry and laid on the floor. That isn't such a big deal. Everyone gets angry and he was attempting to calm himself down. However, his anger got the best of him and he bit the top of my foot. WHAT?!?!?!? Yes, he bit me. He bit me hard. That is my daycare child. My Grayson does not typically act out in anger that way. He was shocked when he got punished for hurting mommy. My guess is because biting out of anger happens regularly at daycare with little consequence.

So what do we do? I don't know. I have considered seeking a nanny for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The issue is that we only need someone until June when I will be more available due to the slowing of my work schedule and the start of maternity leave. I can't be home on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday right now because of my work responsibilities. I could possibly manage to take him to work on Wednesday and Friday, but on Monday I am in Wilson doing contract work. Also, having him at my office all day doesn't make for a very productive day for anyone there. He loves the front office people and works hard to keep their attention. However, from now until June is 4 whole months and I don't feel like we are doing our job as parents if we leave him in a situation we know is not best for him. Any ideas????

BABY UPDATE

So we have passed the half-way mark and have passed the point in the pregnancy when our twins were born. That has brought us to a point of a little more comfort and where we are feeling like this baby may really come home with us.

I had my "Big" ultrasound this week. It would have been on Thursday, but my doctor needed me to come in on Tuesday for other reasons and did it during that appointment. Basically I have been having severe back pain for several weeks in my right shoulder. We have ruled out kidney, gallbladder, pancreas, and liver issues. On Monday I was in horrific pain and called my OB back to let him know that I wasn't doing any better. He had me come in Tuesday to check things over. He feels he has determined the back pain is not baby related and I will see my general practitioner on Thursday to figure out our next step.

The "Big" ultrasound is the referred to as such because that is typically when you find out gender and they do all the measuring and checking of the baby to look for abnormalities. We were already certain we were having a boy and received confirmation again on Tuesday. He is not shy with that fact at all. Baby Firecracker is weighing in at approximately 14 ounces and all of his measurements are right on track. We are sticking with a July 3rd due date and everything looked great. My cervix is still measuring within the "good" range and I will continue my weekly injections of 17-P as a precaution.

On another note Wake County Human Services called today to find out if we are ready to move forward with the fostering process. Our licensing agent had to leave a message because I was doing a speech evaluation. I called her back to say "yes" and to find out what exactly "moving forward" is in their world. I was kind of under the impression that we were waiting on them, but her voice mail made it sound like she may be waiting on us to make a move. Who knows!?!?!? I will keep you posted on that front and on all else going on in our world.

PRAYER REQUEST

We are really working hard to help Grayson develop prayer times with God. It is important to spend time talking with our Father every day. For that reason we not only pray over meals, but we also pray in the car on the way to school, before bed, and at any point during the day that we take the notion.

More recently we have tried to include Grayson in the prayer. This means we try to get him to repeat parts of the prayer after us or suggest things that we should pray for. During our prayers we praise, thank, and petition and always start with the praise and thanking first. So, for the past few mornings on our way to school I have asked Grayson, "What should we thank God for today?" He doesn't come up with his own suggestions so I end up saying things like, "Should we thank God for the sunshine?", "Should we thank God for our warm house?", or maybe "Should we thank God for a car to ride to school in?" Grayson never says "no" to my suggestions. He typically responds with "Yep". Then we go through what we need to ask of God. "Should we ask God for a good day?", "Should we ask God to help you to be a good listener and obedient to your teachers?", or maybe "Should we ask God to give your teachers patience and understanding?" All get a "yep" from the backseat. Then I pray all the things we talked about. Grayson keeps his hands folded and nods his yep all the way through. Then we say "Amen" together.

This week Grayson did not say "Amen" after the "In Jesus' name we pray". I look to the backseat and he says, "Mama pay pay". I ask, "Do you want to pray for Mama". He didn't respond so I say a quick prayer for my day. When I am finished he again does not say "Amen". Instead he says, "No. Pay Peyt." Then I got what that little angel meant. He wanted me to pray for Peyt, his cousin. I said, "Oh, pray for Peyton?" He said "yep" and we started our prayer for Peyton. When I finished he said a very excited "AMEN!"

I can't tell you how it warmed my heart to see him grasping the idea of prayer a little more and responding to the call to pray for someone else. I believe God speaks to everyone, even the smallest among us. I am certain God placed in Grayson's heart the love for his cousin and desire to pray for him. It just doesn't get any better than seeing God in your child's heart.

And just so you know, he has suggested we pray for Peyt every morning since.

AHHHHHHHHH

We returned home today from a wonderful weekend away. On Thursday we loaded up the truck (predicted snow meant we needed the 4WD) and headed West on 40 to Linville. We were met there by mom, Troy, Aunt Ret, Brooke, Bradley, and Peyton. Troy's very sweet mom allowed us to stay in her beautiful mountain home for 3 peaceful nights and 4 marvelous days. It was amazing and more than a blessing. I really needed the weekend away and it has been ages since I got to spend that much time with that side of our family just watching movies, reading, watching it snow, and relaxing.

Who couldn't feel relaxed and peaceful with this view and in this beautiful home




Grayson had a blast during his stay. It was his first visit to the mountains of NC and I think he really enjoyed himself. Grayson didn't actually get to see the mountains until Saturday afternoon due to lots of snow and fog on Friday and most of Saturday. He agreed that they were beautiful. Grayson was able to enjoy lots of time with his Grammy, Pap-pa, and Aunt Ret. They didn't spoil he and Peyton at all. The boys are finally at an age where they really enjoy seeing one another, well until one takes a toy from the other. The boys had fun checking out the snow.

They enjoyed BIG bubble baths together and eating ice cream in the tub. Which is something only a Grammy would let them do.

Grayson also enjoyed some quality reading time while Peyton napped.

Their favorite activity, by far, was riding the elevator. I could not get a picture of that to post. They all turned out blurry because they we both so excited to be in there they couldn't stop jumping around. I am sure there is a way to adjust the settings on my camera to get a clear picture, but I haven't had time to read the manual since I got the camera in September. I know, I know.

All in all we had an amazing weekend. Gosh, I wish I could still be there. It was peaceful, calming, relaxing, heartwarming, cozy, restful, rejuvenating, uplifting, and just plain special to spend that kind of family time in such a beautiful atmosphere. I hope we get to go back again. THANKS a million Mom, Troy, and Linda!

JUST A LITTLE STICK

Praise, praise, praise. My appointment went well today. Cervix is measuring 3.9 which means no bed rest for now. Thank you Lord and thanks for the prayers. I was so nervous going in and couldn't stop smiling when the doctor reported the measurement.

Dr. B also checked the gender again and he is still certain we are having a boy. I think I am convinced now too. Today marks the start of 17-P. This is a type of hormone injection I will be taking from now until I reach 36 weeks. Studies have shown it decreases the chance of preterm labor. Since they never figured out why my water broke early with the twins, we are taking this precautionary step to be on the safe side. Justin had to go with me to learn how to give me the injections. Good times! I only have to do them once per week. Since I go to the doctor every other week I will receive my injections there every other week and Justin will only have to do it on the weeks I am not going to the doctor. It didn't hurt so bad and doesn't seem like it is going to be a big deal since there are no side effects.

Tomorrow we leave for a much needed weekend away. We will be traveling to the mountains with my mom and her husband, Troy. My aunt Ret is going along with my sister, my nephew, and my sister's boyfriend. I am SUPER excited!!! We are just going away to relax, which is just what I need after all the sickness we have had around here to start off 2010.

On another note, please be in prayer for my friend who is having difficulty getting pregnant. This situation has been weighing on my heart heavily. There are so many women out there who struggle with this every day and suffer each month as the women around them continue to easily have babies. It is a feeling beyond what most of you can understand to want a baby so badly and have your body not cooperating. I will not share the details because it is not my story to tell, but please pray that God will resolve all issues and bring them a healthy pregnancy and baby VERY soon.

NO NO DOGGIE

Since we moved into this house there have been many nights of sleep interrupted by some huge dog that lives somewhere in our neighborhood. I say "huge" and "somewhere" because you can tell from the bark that he has to be gigantic and we don't know where he lives. We can only hear the bark like it is in our back yard because the dog is huge and his bark carries so far.

I have often wondered what makes these people think that it is acceptable to keep such a loud dog in a neighborhood like this barking all night. Okay, dog lovers don't start sending the hate comments yet. I am fine with people having dogs and I am fine with people keeping dogs in their back yard, but if your dog barks like a monster all hours of the night you shouldn't be living in a neighborhood where the lots are an acre at most. I kid you not, this beast barks at 10 pm, 2 am, 6 am, noon, pretty much all hours of the day and night.

I have actually gotten more used to it and now he only wakes me up every once in a while. I have not had mean thoughts about this animal and the owners in several months. That is, until tonight.

Grayson has been doing so well in his new bed. He had some trouble last night going down and we couldn't figure out why. Then tonight's escapades begin. A few minutes after going down for bed Grayson started to wail. Justin went up to calm him down and he got quiet again. Now, we are not a family that believes you should jump every time your child cries, but it isn't like Grayson to cry out at night and it typically means something is wrong. Grayson calmed and Justin came downstairs. Several minutes later he is screaming again. We go upstairs and find him shaking in fear and pointing to his window. After a few minutes of wondering what he was pointing at we hear the dog bark and Grayson starts to cry again. This beast of a dog has our son terrified. Every time the dog barks, Grayson cries harder.

A side note here is that I always assumed that fear had to be learned. Well I never put much thought into it, but why would a kid be scared of something that has never given a reason to be feared. Grayson has had nothing but positive experiences with dogs. He is a little nervous around a new dog, but warms up quickly. However, in the dark of his room with a big doggie barking outside my little fella is terrified. That fear was not learned, he is just innately scared and it is pitiful.

We tried explaining to Grayson that the doggie was outside and lives in a different house with his mommy and daddy. We tried to explain that he lives there, not outside Grayson's window, and can't come to our house. We explained that if he didn't like the doggie barking he could say "no no doggie" and then go to sleep because he is safe in his big boy bed. None of these things have worked. He will say "no no doggie" but follows it with wails. Justin is currently in Grayson's room with him because he is so scared of this doggie and scared to be left in his room. Yes, it is 10:30 pm and this has been going on for almost 2 hours. I am not there because Grayson typically goes back down better for Justin than he does for me. Not tonight. He isn't going down at all.

I am doing a Beth Moore study right now. I LOVE her by the way. Last week she talked about meanness and the things that bring out the meanness in us all. Well this moment is bringing out my meanness. I am so mad I could spit! All I want to do is get in my car and find where this beast lives. I want to pound on the door, even if the house is dark because they can sleep through their beast's howls, and I want to tell them exactly how angry I am that their dog is keeping my sweet baby awake in fear. Justin has already told me I am absolutely not going anywhere so here I sit blog venting. I can't help but feel like we should let these people know how unacceptable it is for their animal to be disrupting everyone's evening with his loud barks. Then again, would it really make a difference? UGH, frustration!

SNOW DAYS

We finally got snow here in Raleigh. I was beginning to wonder if it was going to happen for us this winter. The snow started to fall on Friday evening around 7 pm and it was still snowing when we went to bed on Saturday night around midnight. We didn't have a constant snow. It was on and off and had some sleet mixed in. When all was said and done we were left without about 5 inches of snow and ice on the ground.

Grayson enjoyed the snow. He went out Friday night before bath. We only had about a half of an inch at that point, but it was pure powder. We let him play on the deck and he loved making snow balls and throwing them. We went out again Saturday just before lunch. At that point it was sleeting. We played for a while, but the snow wouldn't pack at all because there was so much ice mixed in. That meant no snow balls or snow men. Grayson was pretty confused about why he couldn't make snow balls. We attempted to make a sled since we didn't have one, but Grayson was a little afraid to sled down the drive way. I guess we will save that for next year. He enjoyed stomping around in the snow and trying to pick it up. Here are some pics of our house and Grayson playing.





As you can see Grayson didn't do much in the snow other than walk around and lay down to roll around. He thought the rolling was particularly fun.

To update my previous post, Grayson is still sleeping in his big boy bed. He seems to be loving it. In fact, on Saturday and Sunday he took a 3 hour nap. He hasn't taken a nap that long in ages. That bed must be really cozy. The cutest thing is
when he wakes up in the morning. He doesn't get out of the bed when he wakes. He just sits up and calls for me. He sits there and waits for me to come. It is so cute.



Last, but not least, the baby Firecracker update. We are at 18 weeks. Today was the day in my pregnancy with the twins that my water broke. I was a little stressed today thinking of that, but things seem to be going well. My next appointment is on Wednesday. Stay tuned to hear about all the fun that will be coming following that appointment. Things are going to get interesting around here, but I am going to make you wait until Wednesday to find out how. Oh and pray that my cervix has lengthened since my last appointment. At my first measurement 4 weeks ago is was at 5.2 or 5 point something. At my last appointment, 2 weeks ago, it was 3.5 (indicating a shortening). It is normal for it to fluctuate, but it is a bad sign if it continues to shorten. If at my next appointment it shortens again I may be put on bed rest. I will do anything to get this baby here and to be able to bring him home healthy, but I would prefer that path to not include bed rest. So, if you will, pray that on Wednesday we are back at around 5 . something.