EDUCATING OUR LITTLES- PT4

This post is part of a series. You can go to the beginning by clicking here.

Fast forward five months. It is time to begin Kindergarten registration. Over the first few months of his 4-year old preschool year I noticed that Grayson didn't seem as "Kindergarten ready" as some of the other kids in his class. His teachers assured me he was doing great, but I could see differences. Colors had been really hard for him to learn and not for lack of trying. We started working on colors at age 2. The abstractness of it threw him for a loop. He could match two red things and understood that they were the same color, but I did not make sense to him that the color was called "red". At this point he had finally memorized the colors but most of his peers had moved on through letters and numbers.

I knew right away that it wasn't because he wasn't bright. There were other things that were coming easily for him. He was amazing at puzzles and building. He was very interested in science and how things work. He couldn't have cared less about letters and numbers. He was a young four, but not a summer baby being born in April. We had heard a lot of talk about parents holding back boys born in the summer months to get an extra year of maturity under their belt before Kindergarten. His teachers encouraged us to move forward with Kindergarten and that he would catch up.

We had continued to pray about Kindergarten and where Grayson would go. I had lots of friends who were homeschooling and it interested and scared me all at the same time. Justin was set on the private christian school. Our base public elementary was one of the worst in the county and not an option for that reason and all of the reasons I described in previous posts. Add to those reasons that our state implemented Core Curriculum in 2013 and I am NOT a fan. The decision was starting to weigh very heavy on my heart and deadlines were quickly approaching. My biggest fear was that he was not ready for the quick academic pace of the private school Kindergarten. I knew in my heart that would be a very difficult year for us. We began exploring the option of another year of preschool. The wonderful private christian school had decided to start a pre-k program for the 2013-2014 school year and we started thinking that an extra year might be beneficial.

One night while we were sitting together looking over the applications. Justin declares, out of no where, "Why don't we just homeschool?" Imagine screeching tire sounds in my brain as he completely caught me off guard. The thought had lingered in the back of my mind and the desire had started to grow in my heart, but I was not certain yet that it was where God was calling us especially since I never imagined my husband was leaning that way. We began to discuss the pros and cons. Homeschooling would meet our needs for ensuring our children were presented with a biblical worldview throughout education, it would enable us to explore Grayson's specific learning style and accommodate it, and it would also save us a great deal of money. The cons were pretty much non-existent. We knew it would be a little tricky for me to continue to work, but felt like the flexibility that homeschooling allows would make working an option.

The clock was ticking away on application deadlines. Justin and I both agreed that we did not have ample time to pray over and explore strictly homeschooling the upcoming year. We were not certain that was where God was calling us, but we were certain it was something we needed to pray over. We made a quick decision to enroll Grayson in the pre-K at the private school. We felt like that would give us some time to pray, guarantee him a place for the following year should we decide homeschooling wasn't where God would have us, and ensure the next year was not a complete train wreck with him being in an academic setting he wasn't ready for.

I immediately began contacting friends who were homeschooling. We discussed curriculum, schedules, learning differences, co-ops, pros, cons, and everything in between. I had dear friends who allowed me into their home to see their classrooms and thumb through materials. I had dear friends who spent endless amounts of time encouraging me, answering questions, and praying for us. I read a million blogs written by homeschooling families. There was one common thread. All of these moms were completely in love with homeschooling and by all observations it was going well for them. They admittedly had their bad days, but everyone does. The love was contagious and my heart was softening with every passing day. I continued to pray and I knew very quickly that God was providing me with these opportunities and friends so that I could fall in love with the plan He had for our family.

We decided in the summer months of 2013 to purchase some Kindergarten reading and math curriculum as well as some handwriting curriculum (since handwriting was a weakness for Grayson). We felt pretty certain that God was directing us down the path of homeschooling. Grayson was already enrolled in Pre-K and our hearts felt right with that decision. We decided that we would begin by doing the Kindergarten work in the afternoons when Grayson came home from his half-day program. We felt this would give us a chance to test out homeschooling and working for me since me staying home full-time wasn't an option. I didn't have any friends who were working as much as I needed to while homeschooling and we felt we needed a year to adjust to that without Grayson losing a year academically. In hindsight we were probably most uncertain because it was such a new idea to us. Not to God, but certainly to us. If you would have asked me a year prior about homeschooling I would have most certainly said, "That is not for us."

So in September of 2013 Grayson began Pre-K at a wonderful private christian school and we began Kindergarten at home. The homeschool curriculum is working well for Grayson. I know because of the ability to cater his education to his learning syle he is gaining way more than he would have in any classroom setting. Letters and numbers haven't been easy, but he is getting them. He is also reading and doing math at the appropriate lever for mid-way through Kindergarten. Grayson has had a wonderful experience in Pre-K and we know, without a doubt, that is a fabulous school. We also know, without a doubt, that for now God's desire for our family is homeschooling. We have certainly had some bumps along the way, but we are going on 4 months in and couldn't be happier with how it is going. During those tough moments I go back to prayer. Over and over God has confirmed to my heart that this is where he wants us. Doing anything else would be disobedient to His call for our family.

So for now we will choose obedience and homeschool. I know it is the right fit for Grayson and for the desires that God has placed on our heart for educating our children. We will take it one year at a time. If at any point God calls us to shift gears, then we will. For today, the plan is to only homeschool next year. We will have a 1st grader, and a preschooler. There are still moments when I absolutely can't believe we are doing this!

EDUCATING OUR LITTLES- PT 3

This post is part of a series. You can go to the beginning by clicking here.

During my research for schools we were quickly able to rule out a few things. Public school was never really an option for us. There were moments in the process where we revisited the possibility and looked into our options outside of our base or assigned school, but it never felt right and we never seriously considered it. Next, our initial reason for leaning towards private education was for sound biblical teaching and the hope that our children would not spend the majority of their early academic and formative years being influenced by individuals that may or may not share our beliefs. That fact alone ruled out Charter Schools next. I think they are a great option for families simply interested in avoiding the public school setting (although they are technically public), but it did not fit our needs. The only options left were private Christian school or home schooling. Justin was not a fan of the home school option so we began visiting private schools.

At this point I was leaning toward a private school near our home that I had heard wonderful things about and without visiting it was our number one choice. We were able to squeeze in visits to a few others before this school had an open house/parent information meeting. We left each visit knowing that place wasn't right for us for one reason or another. Finally the evening of our visit to the number one choice came. We went, despite the fact that I was exhausted, and I was so glad we did. In fact, we almost didn't go. I told Justin early in the day that I didn't feel up to it. At the last minute I called him back while we was on his way home and I told him I just felt that we needed to make it to that visit. That was totally a God thing.

We went to the visit and we loved it. It was just what we were looking for. Their focus on Kingdom Education was an answer to prayer. It was a beautiful school with wonderful administrators. I looked over the Kindergarten curriculum and began to wonder if our oldest would be prepared. He was not interested in early academics at all. It had taken him forever to learn his colors and numbers/letters weren't really emerging yet. The course of study seemed advanced in comparison to public school. I appreciated that but feared he would not be ready. He is bright but at that time he was totally focused on being a four-year old boy and nothing about academics interested him.

Let me back up a little and say that over the months leading up to this and since closing my business I had begun working a little on my own. I had set up a small practice and had a caseload that was enough to provide some support to the financial needs of our family as well as give me an outlet to use the skills I had spent lots of higher education money acquiring. I was mostly at home and working a little.

During our visit to this school the principal and I had a conversation about my line of work. It was nonchalant and casual. She mentioned that they had a contract speech pathologist on staff and asked if she could get may card. Two days after the visit the contract therapist called me, she explained she was relocating, and asked if I would be interested in talking with the school about the position. I was in awe. It was an amazing work of God. He had me in just the right place at the right time. Several conversations and meetings later the Lord saw fit to provide me with an opportunity to contract with the school.

I began working at the school as a contractor the following August as Grayson began his last year of preschool. It was a huge blessing and I am currently still in that same position. That place has been a huge blessing. I love the people, the families, the focus on Christ. It is wonderful. For the following five months we were certain all of our children would spend their entire academic careers there.

Now, I need to get upstairs to wrap some Christmas gifts. This is going to have to turn into a four-part post. I hate to be long winded but I love the way God used every step of this process to move us and change our hearts. I can't leave out any of the miraculous details. To be continued. . . Again

EDUCATING OUR LITTLES- PT 2

This is the second part of a post series. To start at the beginning click here.

As most parents know our oldest son's years passed more quickly than we could have ever imagined. We easily chose a church preschool based on proximity to our offices and reputation. In those years we lost our twins and welcomed our second son. To say we had a lot going on is the understatement of a lifetime.

I should back up and explain a little about my work situation as it played a pretty big role in how we got to where we are today. Just before Grayson was born I took over as a managing partner in a large multi-disciplinary practice in our area. Our team included speech pathologists (my area), occupational therapy, and psychology. We employed about 25 clinicians and administrative staff. It was what I thought I always wanted to do. My career goal had always been to own my own practice and it was happening a lot earlier in my career than I ever expected. Justin and I had prayed over the career move and were confident God was leading us in that direction. I am certain He was, but for different reasons than I could have ever imagined.

Fast-forward to the Fall of 2011. We were about to welcome our third baby and life had taken more than one unexpected turn. Owning and operating a large practice was not as enjoyable as I had imagined. Managing people and all of their gripes and complaints was far from enjoyable. The industry was also a lot more cut-throat that I had anticipated and in those years I was stabbed in the back by what I thought were loyal employees more times than I can even count. It was a constant struggle to watch people who called themselves Christians steal, lie, and cheat. Don't get me wrong, I had some wonderful team members. Some of them I am still in touch with and still call friends. However, they were few and far between. Additionally, as my children began to grow at what felt like warp speed I had a constant ache in my heart that my time was being spent in the wrong place. Instead of spending time at home with my children and being there when they needed me, I was constantly spending the best of my time and energy working to keep other people happy and at no real benefit to my family. Sure, I made my salary but it was not where near fair compensation for what I was dealing with.

A few months prior to Rowan's birth the ache in my heart became unbearable. I spent time in the Word studying and praying. Asking God to direct my path. I was so certain a few years prior He had very clearly led me to this business opportunity. It was scary to think He might not have me stay with it. Justin and I talked and prayed some more. There was no denying it. The scriptures indicated and the Lord was showing us that I was neglecting my role at home. I specifically came to Titus many times during these days and it was convicting. Specifically Titus 2:3-5

" 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. "

God laid this scripture on my heart and I really wrestled with it. In the end it was clear and His words were unwavering in my heart. I was at that time very clearly not loving my husband and family the way he had called me to. The majority of my time and energy was spent running a business. Our home, which should have been a priority for me, was not where I was working. Do I think women should only work in the home? Not entirely. However, I do think God clearly desires for our home to be our first work responsibility. If my home isn't being cared for then I am failing at my role in our family.

After lots of prayer and hearing God clearly again Justin and I knew it was time to close up shop and bring me home. It was an easy decision once the Lord spoke clearly to me. Anything else would have been disobedient. My heart knew the change was necessary. We closed the business and didn't look back.

After our third boy was born our oldest turned four. He was a little over a year before being kindergarten eligible in our state. The private schools and charter schools begin their application processes around December or January of the year prior. By the Spring of 2012 it was time to start visiting and researching schools to be ready for applying that following winter. I started researching and our journey continued.

EDUCATING OUR LITTLES- PT1

I previously posted that I will do a 2-3 part post on our decisions about education for our children. To appropriately explain the journey God has taken us on I have to go back to the way beginning. Let me lay out a disclaimer here. I do not think the decisions we have made are right for everyone. You will see that this has been a very personal journey and one that God perfectly laid out for our family and our needs. Not one person has the same journey and I don't expect everyone in the world to agree with or understand our decisions. This is just our story and how we got to where we are now.

Flashback to Fall of 2005. Justin and I are in pre-marital counseling. One of our sessions was about family planning. We covered everything from the number of kids to discipline beliefs. Part of that conversation ventured into the area of education. I am a product of public schools. I had a mostly wonderful public school experience. I was from a small town and we had a very close knit community and neighborhood school set up. My husband attended a tiny private Christian school from K-8 grade and then matriculated into the local public high school for 9-12. We both had wonderful experiences and appreciated the decisions our parents made for us.

During my last semester as a graduate student in speech pathology I was an intern in the middle and high school where I grew up. The things that were going on there were horrific. Sexual promiscuity going on in school restrooms in sixth grade, awful bullying, and a significant amount of drug use at both the middle and high school. It was disheartening and obvious that the public school environment had changed drastically in the six years since I had graduated high school.

So during that pre-marital counseling conversation Justin and I agreed that we would explore private Christian school as an option for our children. We knew that a lot could happen before having kids that would change that plan, but we agreed that we were on the same page with private Christian (not just private) school being the ideal place for our children to be educated when the time came.

We were married in December of 2005 and in April of 2008 we welcomed our first son. Nothing had changed when it came to our educational plan for our son. In fact, we had grown a lot in our faith since getting married and were certain we would plan for a private Christian education, even if that meant sacrificing in other areas to make that plan possible financially. Hear this, we were not set on Christian education because we wanted to shelter our children from all of the less desirable activities going on in the public schools around us. We realize that sheltering our children from reality will not prepare them for adulthood. At the same time I could not fathom sending my children into a public school classroom with a teacher that may or may not value the scriptures the way we do for 6-8 hours per day and allow it to be a luck of the draw who gets to spend their days educating and directing my child. When I would think about this Provers 22:6 would echo in the back of my mind.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

I wanted my children to be trained up with a biblical world view. I wanted them to see how God worked and reigned even in the most depraved of situations. I wanted them to see how scripture was applicable to every situation during every moment of every day. For me it was not enough that we would be able to teach that at home in the evenings and on weekends. I felt it was very important that those people who engaged with our children in the early years be Christians and hold God's word in the same esteem that we do. The only way to ensure that was to home school or to enroll our children in a Christian school. It was our plan and we whole heartily felt it was the direction God was leading us.

Do I think parents who enroll their children in public school are wrong? ABSOLUTELY NOT! It was a personal conviction for me. I know that there are ways to raise Christian children who stay strong in their faith in public schools. I attended public school. I know several young adults who are wonderful followers of Christ who attended public school. I can't explain it any better than to say that I knew it was not right for our children. It was a conviction that God placed in my heart early at the beginning of the journey.

YIPPIE!!!!

We are out for Christmas break! Yahoooo! We closed up home school shop on the 13th, little guys' preschool ended on the 18th(although they were sick and didn't go), and Big guy's school ended today! Bring on the celebration!

I realized when I planned to post this today that it would come across as confusing to those who don't know us so well. I figured there would be a couple of, "Wait, who do you home school?" considering I just stated that both little guys and the big guy's school ended for break this week. I thought there might be a few, "Wait, I thought you were home schooling?" considering I have talked some about that on Facebook and IG. I also assume there are some readers who don't know what the hay we do. I know I have a few new-ish readers and a few friends who read that we haven't seen in a while so I wanted to clear the air.

We do both. Well, sort of. My boys are 5, 3, and almost 2. Since I work five half-days per week as a contract speech therapist at an amazing private school, my boys have to be somewhere in the mornings. That is the reason the two little ones are in a church preschool setting. It gives me the time I need to work outside of the home and it is a wonderful environment for them to get some peer exposure, education, and fun in. Yes, they could get that with a nanny but (in case you didn't know) half-day preschool is WAAAAAAY cheaper.

My five-year old is a little more of a complicated story. For that I have decided to write a two-part (maybe three if the Lord leads) post on what we are doing with him and why. The short story is that he does Kindergarten at home with me in the afternoon and in the morning he goes to a Pre-K class at the private school where I work. What makes that complicated is the reason we made that arrangement and the journey God took us on to get there. I think it is kind of a neat story and one I am feeling the Lord's prompting to share. So, stay tuned.

THAT MOM

I was almost her today. Yep, I was almost that mom that sends her child to their Christmas program sick as a dog just so she can see him sing. I didn't, but I almost did.

Baylor Boo had his Christmas program today. He has had asthma attacks two nights this week (Monday and Tuesday) in the middle of the night. Baylor only has issues with asthma when he is sick. Other than the middle of the night attacks, he had no other symptoms until last night. Last night he coughed from 8:00 on. Around 2 am we brought him into our room because we were worried he was disturbing his brother's sleep. He coughed and tossed until around 4:30. He slept from 4:30-6:00 and then he was up for the day coughing and hacking. Sometime in the middle of the tossing and turning he began to run a fever. In my fog of overtiredness, not feeling good myself, I have to get up at 5:30 and see clients today haze I do not know when the fever started. At any rate, it was pretty obvious that he was sick.

I got up and began getting ready for the day on the verge of tears at the realization that he was going to miss his last day of preschool and his Christmas Program. So I began considering pumping him with motrin and taking him anyway (crazy, huh). I mean it isn't like this was some big production and he had the leading role. Nope. He was just singing two songs, but my heart was set on seeing him sing those songs. So when he came downstairs I began with, "Baylor are you excited about your Christmas Program today?" He looked at me like I was crazy. He wasn't so off base. He replied, "Mommy I not go to school. I sick." I continued my insanity and tried my very best to convince him we could take medicine, eat peppermint candy, and he could ONLY go for the performance and come home. He wasn't budging. He actually said, "Mommy, I can't sing! I'm sick! See, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells. . .hack hack hack (fake cough font). See I can not go!"

Yes, I finally realized how insane I was being. I imagined us at the program smiling as he takes the stage. I imagined how he would likely begin a hacking fit as soon as they started to sing. I imagined how he would cough all over his little friends and their parents would look on in shock that someone would put their kid up there sick exposing all the other kids to the sick germs. I imagined all of that playing out and realized I was not being rational. Yes, I wanted more than anything to see him sing "Jingle Bells" and "Away in a Manger", but I realized it just wasn't going to happen this year. Maybe next year.

COUGH, COUGH, SNEEZE, SNEEZE

Three of the five people in our home have fallen victim to a nasty cold. I am one of those three. It stinks. We are just over one week out from Christmas and there is a lot of fun to be had. It is really difficult to enjoy the fun when you feel like you have been run over by a train.

I shouldn't be surprised. We have a long history of big holiday illness. Christmas, Easter, birthdays, and the list goes on and on of holidays and events where I can guarantee that one of my children will get sick. If it isn't one of the kids, it's me. Seriously! This history dates all the way back to my early childhood. I have vivid memories of Christmases spent in ERs due to complete dehydration or chest congestion so bad I can barely breathe. It really is bizarre. It is like I get so excited about the approaching celebration that my immune system completely shuts down.

So, now that I know that I have a couple of regular readers I can post something like this and ask for some prayer. We need some healing to happen in this house. I want the coughs, sneezes, sniffles, achy bodies, sore throats, middle of the night asthma attacks, and every other germie nastiness gone from this house. We have a Savior to celebrate!!!

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

I got this question just yesterday. It was asked out of genuine concern. I know that because of who asked the question and because of what that person said next. My response was, "Ummmm yeah, why?" It also came with an obvious look of confusion. To which my concerned friend said, "When I saw you yesterday you looked like you had a lot on your mind." She was spot on. I gave a brief response of, "Yeah, it's the holidays. I am swamped and really behind." My answer was half true and all that could be given with a brief passing in the hall. However, there is so much more to it.

The exchange stayed on my mind the rest of the day. During my quiet moments with the Lord I spent some time searching my own heart. I knew I felt overwhelmed and I disliked that it was showing to others around me. The truth is that I have been insanely distracted. I am lost in my thoughts every day. It isn't in a good way.

It started just before Thanksgiving. As quickly as the decorations showed up all over every store in the world, Christmas was thrust into the forefront of my thoughts. The Christmas season was quickly approaching. That is where the mess began. I get stressed, really stressed during this time of year. I have an insane amount of shopping to do, Christmas programs to attend, cookies to bake, candies to make, special memories to create, holiday parties to attend, decorating to do, gifts to give, and the list goes on and on. Oh and who can forget the ELF!!! I have to remember to move this guy to a new place every day! All the while I have all of my regular responsibilities of work, home, homeschooling, church, sports etc. It all gets really overwhelming. I was determined for this year to be different. This time of year is supposed to be a celebration of the birth of our Savior and who has time to focus on that with all the stresses.

We decided to scale back on the gift buying and in exchange do some good for others. We cut out Christmas cards. We cut out the gingerbread house decorating night. I am baking less. With the best of intentions we cut down on the demands of time and energy to create more opportunities to focus on the real meaning of this season. I wanted to find some peace in the madness and be certain we made time with our children to focus on the birth of Christ and for them to get to spend the month of December with a mom who is showing them the love of Christ not the stress that the world creates for us this time of year.

Then it happened. Guilt showed up. Are they going to miss the gingerbread house? What if I don't bake their favorite cookies? What if friends are offended that we didn't send them a Christmas card? Should I be taking them out caroling. I think I went caroling at this age! Look at the cute homemade gifts that friend is handing out! I am a failure if I don't do the same. Are the teacher's going to feel like we don't appreciate them enough if I don't spend a fortune AND make something cute? Will the boys be disappointed with the gifts they are getting? Is it enough (yes, it shames me to even type that out)? For the past two weeks I have been consumed with the guilt and stress that this inner dialog has brought. In my heart of hearts I know that it comes straight from the enemy. Once again I am allowing this fallen world with its idols and misplaced priorities to steal my joy.

When this friend asked a simple question, "Is everything okay?" it was my wake-up call. I knew that I had allowed the enemy to win and that my thoughts and actions were not glorifying to the Savior that this season is supposed to celebrate. I did some study and stumbled upon John 15:1-11

1 [Then Jesus said,] "I am the true vine, and my Father takes care of the vineyard. 2 He removes every one of my branches that doesn't produce fruit. He also prunes every branch that does produce fruit to make it produce more fruit. 3 "You are already clean because of what I have told you. 4 Live in me, and I will live in you. A branch cannot produce any fruit by itself. It has to stay attached to the vine. In the same way, you cannot produce fruit unless you live in me. 5 "I am the vine. You are the branches. Those who live in me while I live in them will produce a lot of fruit. But you can't produce anything without me. 6 Whoever doesn't live in me is thrown away like a branch and dries up. Branches like this are gathered, thrown into a fire, and burned. 7 If you live in me and what I say lives in you, then ask for anything you want, and it will be yours. 8 You give glory to my Father when you produce a lot of fruit and therefore show that you are my disciples. 9 "I have loved you the same way the Father has loved me. So live in my love. 10 If you obey my commandments, you will live in my love. I have obeyed my Father's commandments, and in that way I live in his love. 11 I have told you this so that you will be as joyful as I am, and your joy will be complete.

WOW! Jesus literally wants to take the joy that He has and place it in you. He has all the joy we need. I know that this holiday season is overwhelming for most of us moms. It is so easy to get caught up in it all and to let the pressure get the best of us. We are the worst at comparing ourselves to others and believe the lie that all that we do isnt' enough. This season is meant to be a time of joy, peace, and celebration of the birth of our savior. Our primary focus should be the joy that is found in Him. We don't need any of that worldy stuff to find joy. He has all the joy we need. Sure the other stuff is fun and we will continue to participate in lots of fun holiday traditions, but I resuse to allow it to take away my joy. I will not sacrifice the peace I can only find in him by focusing only on the worldly ideals of this holiday season. I will probably have to revisit this verse a thousand times per day for the next two weeks. The bottom line is this. The joy found in my Savior is more than enough and more than anything else I want to share that with those around me (especially my children) this Christmas season. I pray you have many moments to do the same.

ANNIVERSARY- HE COMES SECOND

Today is our anniversary. Eight years ago today Justin and I were married in the tiny country church that I grew up in. It was all decorated for Christmas. I always knew I wanted to get married in that church during December. It is one of the most beautiful places ever during the Christmas season.

Eight years later we are still trucking along. We have been through more than I imagined we would in such a short time. We have loved one another unconditionally through job loss, promotions, the close of a business, the birth of 5 children, the burial of two of those sweet babes, success, and disappointment. We have truly loved in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and all while forsaking all others.

I could go on and on about our life and what our marriage journey has been like, but I wanted to write about something else that has been on my heart about marriage in general. I look around me and I see friends, acquaintances, and people in general doing one major thing wrong that will potentially destroy their marriage in the long or short term. That one thing is knowing how to prioritize their spouse. I see people who put their spouse on a pedestal and essentially worship them. I see people who don't value their spouse at all and instead put themselves or others (parents, friends, possessions, etc) on a pedestal. I also see, and probably see this most often, people putting their children on that pedestal as the very most important thing in their life. Don't get me wrong. I would give my life for my children. In fact, I would give my life for my children or my husband. I love them all dearly. They are all very important to me, but there is a very specific way that we are called by God to prioritize our relationships and I firmly believe that following His guidelines is a must if you want to have a happy and successful marriage.

The Bible lays out a clear order for family relationship priorities. No, there isn't a check list or exact directions found all in one place for every relationship. However, we can still look to the Scriptures and find the directives for prioritizing our family relationships.

God obviously comes first: Deuteronomy 6:5, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” All of one’s heart, soul, and strength is to be committed to loving God, making Him the first priority. You heard me right. That doesn't say husband, children, shopping, money, parents, or anything else. LOVE YOUR GOD will ALL.

Your spouse comes next. Ephesians 5:25 states, "A married man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church". Christ’s first priority, after obeying and loving the Father, was the church. "In the same way, wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22). The principle is that a spouse is second only to God in your priorities and before anything else. So first God and then your spouse. There are no exceptions.

If husbands and wives are second only to God it stands to reason that the result of the marriage relationship (children) should be the next priority. Parents are to raise godly children who will grow to also love the Lord with all their hearts. Proverbs 22:6 states, "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Is it easy to focus solely on those little people in your house? Absolutely! I can attest to that for sure. With three five and under someone is always needing something. However, I can also attest to the fact that my children thrive when I am prioritizing well. It creates more peace in our home. Things just go better.

So there you have it. First God, then spouse, and then children. All other relationships fall in behind those top three. Notice self isn't in there. Oh no, self comes very last. That is a whole other post for another time. The last eight years have been amazing. Sure there have been some harder patches and some moments when we struggled. I can honestly say for certain that in every rough patch the priorities of our relationships were out of order in some way or another. It is a constant struggle and something we work at every day. The world would have us put a million things before Him. Let's remember, the world doesn't love us like He does either.

A NEW LOOK

I felt like with my new found motivation to blog, I should also find some motivation to update the look of the blog. Seriously, there wasn't even a picture of the youngest Caldwell. He is almost 2!!!! That is a pure shame!

Anyway, so I worked for about 2 hours. Yeah, 2 hours of time that I didn't have. Once I started I couldn't stop until is looked somewhat presentable. I could not get it the way I wanted. I am still super frustrated about it. I don't really think anyone reads, but I still want it to look nice if someone stumbles upon my little corner of the internet.

I want the picture up top centered. I can not figure out how to make that happen. I am annoyed to say the least.

UPDATE: Minutes after I posted this I figured out what I had been doing wrong the whole time. So, let me know what you think. Do you like the new look?

OUR TIME

I am exhausted. I am always exhausted by Friday. It is just the season we are in. I don't say it in a complaining way. It just is the way that it is. Our week is full of work, church, schooling, errands, fellowship, and fun. We go a lot. Probably more than we should (that is for another post another time). By Friday evening I am ready to crash. I always plan an easy dinner for Friday or we do pizza. I am often in bed by 10, which is a far cry from my Friday night bedtime 6 or 7 years ago.

This Friday is different. Oh yes, I am still tired. It is, after all, Friday. We have had our typical week. However, this will not be a typical weekend. With our anniversary approaching next week, Justin's office Christmas party Saturday, and the ladies Christmas Tea at our church tonight we are having a grown up weekend. Yes, just me and my hubby home all weekend alone. My parents and my sister are absolute rock stars and are taking our boys until Sunday. The boys will be divided amongst them. When they are split up they get a little more quality time with the person they are visiting. It just works better. Also, three boys (five and under) can be overwhelming for someone who is used to a much quieter house. Dividing gives us a greater chance that we will get kid free weekends again in the future.

Don't misread this. I love having my kids home on the weekends. We rarely spend a weekend without them. I am all for good old-fashioned family weekends. I also know that connecting and spending time together, just me and my man, is very important for my marriage. My husband comes first and when we go weeks on end without alone time (besides after the kid's bedtime) we struggle. Communication gets hard and quality time dwindles. It is easy to exist together, just getting it done, and lose site of one another in the business of every day life. So, we must have these weekends to recharge spend a little time dating. No, we do not only have quality time and good conversation on our date weekends. Our marriage would be a disaster if that were the case. These weekends are just different. They are extra special.

Tonight I have the Ladies Christmas Tea at my church with some of my favorite women while Justin delivers the boys to their loving weekend caregivers. I will get to sit and have real conversation and sip tea. I will get to worship and relax. I will get to have my heart ministered to by another sister in Christ. It will be wonderful. Then tomorrow I get to sleep in! Tomorrow night my hubs and I get to get all dressed up and go out to his office Christmas party. He works with some pretty fun and awesome people. It will be a good time and he and I will get to just hang out and socialize together without any distractions. Sunday we have church and then we will go pick up our little people.

It doesn't sound like much. We aren't going on some fancy weekend getaway, but it will be amazing. The kids will have a blast and then next week, we will be much better to each other and the kids having had a weekend to recharge together.

NOT MAKING ANY PROMISES

I think I might get back to blogging. I know I have made pathetic attempts several times over the last year or so, so I am not making any promises. At this point I am fairly certain no one on Earth ventures over to my little piece of the web anymore. I don't want to write for anyone anyway so that is okay with me. I really just have a lot of thoughts. I have a lot I would like to document and remember.

I ventured through some old posts several months ago and it astounded me how many of the details written there that I had forgotten. It makes me sad that I don't have those details documented for the last year or two. Rowan, my sweet youngest son, is almost two and has barely been mentioned here in my place of writing. That makes me feel incredibly guilty. His picture isn't even posted! WOW! Bad mom award!!!

So here we are, it is three weeks until Christmas (THE MOST INSANE TIME OF YEAR) and I want to add blogging regularly back to my to-do list. It seems like failure waiting to happen, but I seriously need this. I have so many thoughts on things like family, babies, discipline, adoption, homeschooling, being a mom, being a believer, being a friend, and so much more that I just want to get out. Not to mention my kids are pretty funny and awesome when they aren't testing my patience to the very limits.

Here goes it! Maybe I will write again soon or maybe I will just be a big loser and not show back up. It's my space. I can do what I want.

FIVE

At exactly 1:19 pm today Grayson was sitting on the back of our van with the lift gate up. His long skinny legs were dangling and swinging as I tried to get on shin guards, soccer socks, and shoes. It wasn't easy to get everything on as he wiggled with excitement and chatted with his best buddy Dawson in the back seat. I got all teary as I realized the time and remembered that at that very moment a seemingly brief five years before he was being placed in my arms for the very first time.

How did we get here? How is that tiny 6lb, 8 ounce bundle already five years old? The time has passed so quickly and although there are moments where I miss his newborn grunts, his one year old giggles, his two-year old cuggies, his three-year old questions, and his four-year old sweetness, I am so in love with the five-year old that he is.

At five (actually all his life)Grayson has a heart like no child I have ever met. He is so tender and caring. He loves with every ounce of his tiny being, gives freely without hesitation, and has an innocent sweetness that I can only pray survives as he gets to know this broken world we live in. Grayson is bright and inquisitive. He wants to know how things works and why they are. One of his favorite things to do is to watch videos with his dad of things like cars being made and ships being built. His favorite color is still black, but he no longer wants to be a doctor. He has traded that dream for the dream of being a jet pilot. I can only imagine how many times that will change before he is all grown up. He plays rough but with caution. He is a rule follower and occasionally more of a follower than this momma's heart wants to see. He is polite and wants everyone to be pleased with him, a true first born. He fights with his brothers but loves them fiercely. He also loves his sisters and makes sure everyone knows that he has two sisters in Heaven. I love the way he shares that with people without any worry that it might make them uncomfortable. He loves to help around the house and is thrilled to do chores. I can only pray that lasts into his teens. He is really into Batman and he loves to watch Loony Toons. He still sleeps with his Blue Bear but no longer asks to take it school. He is great at soccer and has an incredible arm. He loves to go for runs and has recently taken to roller skating. His favorite foods are corn dogs, breakfast for dinner, and quesadillas. He still gets too excited to sleep and I almost always have to wait until right when something is about to happen to tell him about it. I love so much about this boy.

So here we are five years into life with this amazing little guy. I pray every day that God helps me to be the mother he needs and prepares my heart for the rest of the journey. He sure is a blessing.

BOSTON

By now news media, bloggers, celebrities, and well just about everyone in the world has made public comment and condolences about the horrific events that took place at the Boston Marathon this week. Horrific, heartbreaking, devastating, and this list goes on and on. It is no doubt that our nation has abruptly been thrust into grief yet again and our security is shaken. We grieve as a nation for the lives lost and those forever changed. This act of pure evil has invaded an event that was inspiring and encouraging. That is exactly what is was, evil. That is the reality. We live in a fallen world. Evil is all around us.

I was watching the Boston news coverage on Monday while my boys were napping. Grayson came downstairs without me realizing and saw some of the coverage. He had a million questions. Four-year olds have a million questions about everything. He wanted to know what exploded. He wanted to know why there were so many people there. He wanted to know why there were policemen running. He wanted to know if bad guys or good guys made the explosions. It was a tough parenting moment. I had a decision to make. I could change the subject and protect him from the reality or I could try to explain. It was hard. My job is to protect him. It is also my job to teach him about the realities of our fallen world.

I turned the volume down and took Grayson to the kitchen. I talked to him about the Boston Marathon. I talked to him about the amazing athletes who run there and the people who are there celebrating the runners. I then began to explain that there are evil sinful people in the world. There are people who do horrible things to good people. I told Grayson that one or some of those evil people had made explosions at the race to hurt people. I tried to be gentle and I left out most of the scary details. He surmised that a super hero must have been battling bad guys and the explosion hurt people by accident. I wasn't surprised by the response and I didn't try to convince him otherwise. I love that he still can't fathom that someone would hurt all those people on purpose. I hate that the reality is that someone did such a horrible thing on purpose.

Maybe is wasn't the right thing to do. Maybe I should have changed the subject. Maybe he shouldn't hear yet how awful this world is in it's separation from God. However, I felt it was important for him to begin to understand that the world is sinful. I can't shelter him from that truth forever. He saw what he saw and I had a choice to make in that moment about how to respond. I felt like I delivered enough of the reality to him to protect him while being honest. I wanted to be honest with him instead of just dodging his question. I want to Shepard his heart in just the right and I pray every day for guidance in doing that. Man this is tough.

Afterwards we prayed for Boston, for the people hurting there, and for our fallen world. He said amen and went on to ask about snack. He hasn't really mentioned it since and didn't ask any further questions when I had him wear his Boston shirt today. I wanted him to wear it in support even if he didn't understand why. It feels like too small of a gesture for all of that hurt. We will continue to pray for Boston and all of our country, even though that doesn't seem like enough either.

ON THE VERGE

I am having one of those days. It often happens on Sundays, just before the start of a new week. I sit down and look at the calendar and begin to feel so very overwhelmed. There is so much to be done and I just wish the weekend could last a little longer. The next several weeks are particularly insane and right now my chest feels like I have a 50 pound weight sitting on it.

In 8 days Grayson will be five. I can't believe I am about to have a five-year old. Thinking about that gets me all teary and choked up. I also can't believe all that I need to get done before his two (one for family and one for his preschool friends) parties. Thank goodness we aren't doing a giant party this year inviting everyone we know. Boy then I would be a mess.

On top of that we have a million appointments (dentist, doctor, hair cuts), soccer, t-ball, church activities, and school activities going on. It just all seems to be showing up on the calendar at once. We have a big auction event at the preschool, a family day at my dad's company, and a walk for a local pregnancy center in the coming weekends. To top it all off, we leave for a week at Disney in less than a month.

The next weeks will fly by. Before I know it all of these events will be over, I will have a five-year old, and we will be in Disney recovery mode. I know it will go by in a blink. I think that is where my stress comes from. Does that even make sense??? I know that I will get everything done. Come what may, I WILL get everything done. That is just what we do. However, I also want to enjoy every minute. I hate that I often get in "just get it all taken care of" mode and feel like I miss out on the joy of the moments.

I can't be the only person who feels this way. Am I crazy for stressing over not enjoying it all enough? I get in this state where I feel like I am on the verge of it all going awry at any moment and I just miss the joy of the moments.

Here is what I realize as I am mulling over this insane cycle I get in, this cycle where I start to panic on a Sunday evening about the business of the coming week(s). I have to give it all up. Not in the sense of throwing in the towel. I have to give it up to the Lord. I am not in control, He is. I can't do any of this without Him. I am freaking for no reason. He does care about even the smallest details of our lives because He cares about me.

Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Matthew 7:9-11 says “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”.

So, I will take comfort. I will give it all up to Him. I will ask for the strength, stamina, and persistence to get it all done. I will also ask that I am able to soak it all in and enjoy every moment and I know He will provide for all of that. With that peace I can easily face tomorrow and the next several weeks.

WE HAVE TO DO BETTER

My four-year old's (almost five!!!) favorite verse is Matthew 22:39 "The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.' He quotes it all the time. That probably has a lot less to do with my awesome parenting and a lot more to do with the fact that it is one of our house rules and he hears it all the time.

In the 22nd chapter of Matthew Jesus has been asked what the greatest commandment is. He responds with "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'Matthew 22:37. Notice how verse 39 begins, "The second is like it. . .". Some translations actually read "as important as this is. . .". Jesus is saying here that is is just as important to love our neighbors. That is BIG folks!!! Who is your neighbor? EVERYONE!!! Wow, you mean I have to love everyone? Yep!

Fellow Christians we are failing big time here. Loving involves some action. Yes we can pray for others and quietly donate our money to charities that love on others, but the responsibility doesn't stop there. Not if you are able bodied. We need to be out there loving on each other and showing Christ's love to others. It doesn't have to be huge acts of kindness or costly things. Just love one another.

Just today I was leaving Target. I was in a hurry. I had picked up some eggs and I needed to get them home and in the fridge before heading to my next client. I am a speech therapist and I do home visits. As I was leaving the parking lot I see a woman loading her kids in the car as her cart sits up on the sidewalk. A gust of wind pushes her cart off the curb and it topples. She had two of those giant bouncy balls. Her groceries are everywhere, her kids are screaming, and those bouncy balls are rolling away as fast as they can. I am in my car almost to the exit. I turned around, parked, and picked up all of her groceries while she fetched the balls.

I don't tell this story because I want to brag on my action. This action cost me nothing major. It took an extra three minutes, tops. I could see on the woman's face that she was shocked I came to help. She was very thankful. I didn't do that because I am some awesome good person. I did it because I have been there and I knew she needed a little love at that moment. I have been the woman with spilled groceries and screaming kids in the parking lot when no one stops to help. I have been the woman in line with three sick kids, one item, and a person in front of me in line with a cart full that doesn't let me go ahead. I have been the woman who while serving her kids snack at the park has all her napkins blow away and not one mother helps me collect them or offers to watch and make sure my kids don't run off while I chase this mess down. I have been there and in a million other situations where it would have just been nice for someone to help and show me a little love.

I have also been the on the receiving end of some amazing acts of love and kindness, but unfortunately those acts rarely come from strangers. When I am out and about alone I have that feeling that it is just me and I better pray nothing goes wrong. This is so very unfortunate! Where were my fellow Christians in my time of need. Where was that stranger who knew it was their opportunity to show the kind of love to a neighbor that Christ was talking about when I needed it? We stink at this. Christians, we have to do better! I am definitely including myself here. I often catch myself being too caught up in my own daily agenda to worry about those around me who may be in need. We are all great at helping those we love. We help our friends. We often rush in during their times of need. We don't do the same for strangers. That is sad. We must do better.

IT CAN'T BE. . .

After all this time? Really? Blogging again? Yep, that's me. I am back! It has been well over a year since my last post. That is an insanely long time. I made it one of my New Year's resolutions to start blogging again. Yep, it's April. Oh well, I am not known for my punctuality. Although that was a resolution too. I better stop talking about those resolutions or I will start to feel like a big failure.

So, since my last post we have added a new little boy to the family, Rowan, and we have just been living. Life gets crazy. It has been a roller coaster or a year or so. I will add in flash back posts as I feel like it. The main thing is that I wanted to get back to writing (or typing) out my experiences and thoughts. Not because I really think anyone is going to read them. I am pretty sure no one glances at my space in on the internet anymore to see if I have posted. I didn't have a whole bunch of readers anyway. The bottom line is that over the last nine months I have written a million posts in my head. Something happens and I instantly start an inner dialog about how I would narrate the experience. I think I do that because it helps me sore out my thoughts and feelings about this journey of life. I want to remember these thoughts and experiences. So here I am back to document.