MERRY CHRISTMAS

We had a more than fantastic Christmas. As usual it was filled with lots of family time, presents, and sharing in the real meaning of it all, the celebration of the birth of Christ. Grayson enjoyed every minute of it all.

The holiday wasn't without a little sadness. Many of our family and friends were dealing with a first Christmas without important loved ones. We were in that same boat celebrating our first Christmas since the birth and loss of Faith and Avery. It was hard. Lots of family members helped us remember them this Christmas through gifts or oranaments on their own tree in memory of our daughters. It was nice to feel like we weren't alone in missing them at Christmas. The most helpful thing for us was to remember that they were having a much more amazing Christmas celebration in heaven with Jesus. I like to believe that Christmas is a really party up there. That didn't change the fact that all through our celebrations it felt like something or some one, in this case two someones, were missing. I guess it may feel that way forever.

Grayson was able to spend a little time with all of his grandparents (yes, all 8 of them) during Christmas and this weekend. As expected he was spoiled. It was also extra special because this year we chose to be home Christmas Eve night which meant we got to stay at our own house, cozy up in our Christmas PJs, read the Nativity Story before bed, put out cookies and carrots for Santa and the reindeer, and have Santa visit us at home. Christmas morning was so much fun. I think once it all was said and done Grayson finally got the whole concept of Santa. Now the work begins to teach him how all the gift giving relates to celebrating the birth of our Savior. It is very important for that to be the focus of Christmas and for our children to understand that it is about SO much more than presents and Santa.

We had two additional reasons to celbrate this year. One, Jack was home from Iraq and much earlier than expected. Until the second week in December we had no idea he would be with his family for Christmas. Two, my Granny had been in the hospital and made it home Christmas Day in time to open gifts and spend time with all of her family.

Yes, I will say we had a wonderful Christmas. It was another opportunity to count all of the blessings in our lives and an opportunity to praise God for all that he has done and continues to do for us. I hope your's was equally blessed.

MEN IN UNIFORM

I, as most mothers do, think my son is very smart. For the last almost year Grayson's Papa Jack had been deployed to Iraq. With the exception of a visit home for leave over the summer, the only time Grayson has seen Papa Jack has been via webcam or in pictures. Both in the pictures he has seen and on webcam Papa Jack is in his Army uniform.

Last night during dinner the news happened to be on the TV. WRAL was doing a story about one of the NC bases. There was, on the screen, a soldier speaking to a large group. Grayson points to the TV and yells PAPA!!!!. He was so excited. It was not Papa, but the man did resemble Papa Jack a little and I am sure in Grayson's mind he was wearing Papa Jack's clothes.

I wonder if Grayson will recognize Papa when he arrives home tonight. That's right! He is on his way now and will be arriving home TONIGHT! We are all so excited to have him home safely. Thanks for all the prayers to help get him here for Christmas. AND. . .I was totally kidding in the first line. Grayson will definitely recognize him. He is a very smart boy after all.

NOT SUCH A BIG BOY

Besides the anniversary post it has been a while since I have updated. Yes, we have been busy. Thanksgiving was wonderful. We were so blessed to have my entire side of the family over at our home. It was great! My aunt Ret came over the evening before to help me with my first turkey and it turned out great.

Just one short week later we had my office Christmas party at our home and then Grayson's big preschool auction fundraiser which I was a volunteer for. It was a huge success.

We have also had Christmas shopping and decorating to do plus the regular goings on of life. In addition our little guy has kept us busy. Since October 25th Grayson has had a regular periodic fever. The fever comes, lasts about 2 days and then returns in five to seven days after leaving. Grayson has had a few other symptoms along the way (congestion, upset tummy, decreased appetite), but no matter the symptoms the pattern remains the same. Last Friday after running a fever the Friday and Saturday before (yep, that was 6 days) Grayson started with another fever. This fever came with spots on his feet. We go to the doctor and he is diagnosed with Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. Okay, we can totally handle that. I ask the doctor is that is what has been causing his frequent fevers. She says no, this virus wouldn't last that long.

Now, let me go back a bit. Each time Grayson runs a fever it is typically around 102-103 the first day and then between 100.5 and 101.5 the second day. Tylenol will keep it down for the most part and if not alternating between Tylenol and Motrin will. EACH time I call the nurse hotline at Grayson's pediatrician. Each time I explain the repetitive nature of his fevers and each time I am told that it is probably just a virus, but if he is running a fever in 3 days to bring him in (FLU). Well, Grayson is never running a fever by that third day so we keep going. Let me say again this has been going on since October!

Am I frustrated? Yes. Am I worried? Yes. Do I trust our pediatrician? Yes. Did I talk to another professional? ABSOLUTELY!

Last week I spoke with another pediatrician I know who has a lot of respect and admiration for our doctor. She listened to my explanation, asked a LOT of questions, and then completely validated my concern. She said although it is common for kids Grayson's age to catch lots of viruses it is not common for it to happen in such a patterned manner. She also mentioned that most pediatricians are swamped right now and the nurses are really trying to weed out the kids that must be seen from the viruses. At quick glance it does sound like Grayson may just have another virus, but when you look at the calendar and patterns it looks VERY strange.

So, what are we doing? We are giving it a chance to make one more cycle. When we went in with hand, foot, and mouth the doc also gave a prescription for some antibiotics because Grayson had been dealing with some congestion since fever one in October. At that point I was thinking Pneumonia. He finished his antibiotic on a Tuesday. Monday evening he had a fever. Fever left on Wednesday. I am expecting that if the pattern is significant then he will run a fever on Tuesday or Wednesday of this upcoming week. We are praying not!

In other news Grayson has a big boy bed in his room. When he returned from his Nana's today it was there and all made up for him, but his crib was still in the room. Our plan was just to move it in there for a month or so and if he wants to sleep in it, great, if not, oh well. In another month or so the crib is going out. Well, he acted like he loved it. He got ready for bed and pointed to the new bed like that was where he wanted to sleep. We moved it over in front of his crib because the initial location wasn't ideal being right under the light switch where he could stand up and turn the light on and off. We put him in and read a story. He was all cozy and excited. We start saying his prayers and he stands up and starts tossing his bears into his crib. We try to get him to lay down and tuck him in. He started crying and trying to climb into the crib. Okay so he isn't ready. FINE with me. I wasn't ready either. So he gets to be a baby boy for a little longer.

However he doesn't get to be the baby for too much longer. For those who don't know yet, we are expecting our 4th baby in July. No, not a foster baby. We are pregnant and super excited. Grayson is going to be a big brother again and he will need to get into that big boy bed soon enough.

We will continue to work towards our foster license and leave that in God's hands. He has it all worked out anyway. No need for us to try to figure it out on our own.

FRUIT AND FLOWERS

Four years ago, today I married my best friend and the love of my life. I can't tell you how blessed I am to have him in my life. Each year when our anniversary rolls around I have lots of thoughts about how long we have known each other, what our wedding day was like, what our life has been like since the wedding, and most specifically what the last year has been like. This has been a tough one for us. I don't want to focus on that. Let's just say that I wouldn't have wanted to go through 2009 with any other man and I thank God every day for using this last year to make our marriage stronger.

For each anniversary I get him a traditional gift. For year one, paper, I gave him the label from the wine we had at our wedding in a frame. Year two, cotton, I got him a decorative box with a note in it written on 100% cotton paper. Year three, leather, I got him a leather dopp kit. This year proved to be a challenge. Year four is flowers and fruit. Easy for all the men out there, but not so easy for us wives. I ended up getting Justin some boots he has been wanting and attaching some flowers to the gift wrapping. Not ideal, but I was at a loss.

I got the flowers. A dozen red roses, which I love because that is what I carried in our wedding. Justin also got me tickets to A Christmas Carol (the play) and a massage. I was spoiled.

Unfortunately our anniversary didn't turn out just as we had planned. Obviously it didn't because it is 10 pm on the evening of our anniversary and I am posting on here. Justin has not been feeling well for a few days. Today we took Grayson to his Nana's to stay so we could have a romantic weekend. By the time we made it back to Raleigh Justin was feeling really bad and had a really high fever. Off we went to Urgent Care. He has the flu, possibly H1N1. We won't know for sure which type for a couple of days. He is REALLY sick.

So here we sit on our Anniversary. Our nice dinner, cookout milkshakes. Our date out, a trip to CVS for $50.00 Tamiflu. Our entertainment, whatever is on the TV in the background. Our agenda, monitor this fever (currently at 103.8) and hope it breaks soon.

You know, some people would insert here that they wouldn't have it any other way because that is just what you are "supposed" to say next. I would. There are lots of ways I would rather spend our anniversary, but at least we are together. So many people can't be with the love of their life on their anniversary whether it be due to deployment, death, sickness, unfortunate circumstances, work, or other reasons. Lots of people don't get to be together. We are!

So tonight may not be perfect and wonderful, but we have a great life together every day. We have a wonderful son. We both are blessed with the ability to work and have jobs, which during this time is a HUGE blessing. We have a loving and supportive family as well as a wonderful group of loving and supportive friends. All of those people encourage our love for each other and cheer us on when we need it most. Last but not least, we serve an amazing GOD. WE ARE BLESSED. As for our fruit and flowers. Well I am admiring those lovely flowers on my counter, I had cherries in my milkshake, and Justin is sipping on OJ. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US. . . .(keep reading)

In addition to our Anniversary it is a VERY important man's birthday today. Today is Papa Jack's, my father-in-law's, birthday. If you have been following our posts for any length of time you will know that Papa Jack has been deployed to Iraq for almost a whole year. Fortunately we can't call him today to wish him a happy birthday. Fortunately???? Yep that is right. Fortunately because this amazing hero to our country and our family is on his way home. PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE. We don't know where he is, but he is out of Iraq. It is also looking like maybe (but you should keep praying) he might (yep, might so keep praying) be home for Christmas. It depends on how long it takes him to get to the US and for them to do whatever it is the military does here before they let the soldiers go home to their families. What an amazing Christmas gift that would be for all of us. So, although we would love to talk to him and wish him a happy birthday we are just fine with having to put that off and do it in person. Happy Birthday Papa Jack (wherever you are). We love you and can't wait to see you!

RUN 4 REVOLUTION

All week long the story of little Shaniya Davis has been all over the news here. For those of you who have not been following it happened something like this. Five-year old Shaniya was reported missing last Tuesday morning, early, by her mother from their home in Fayetteville. Her mother whom she has only been living with since early October claimed to have woken up to find Shaniya missing. After following several leads, charging one man, dropping those charges, finding a video of her with a man at a hotel, arresting that man, and arresting Shaniya's mother this Monday they found the body of this darling little girl near the Lee and Harnett county line.

At this point two people have been charged in this crime. One is the man who has confessed to taking her from her home. The other, and most disturbing, is her mother. Shaniya's mother has been charged human trafficking, felony child abuse-prostitution, and a few other charges. WHAT?!?!?

Again this is a brief summary of the story. For the full story you can go to wral.com and read all about this horrific tragedy.

This has been on my mind all week. I look at my little boy and can't imagine someone taking him from me. All I can think is, how could a mother sell her own daughter? Arrest warrants state that Davis "did knowingly provide Shaniya with the intent that she be held in sexual servitude" and she "did permit an act of prostitution with Shaniya."

Many of you are probably thinking, "I can't believe this happens?" Well actually, it happens more than you would think. Human trafficking is the world’s third largest criminal enterprise–just after drugs and weapons. There are nearly two million children, worldwide, who have been forced into the commercial sex trade. This is an industry that is based solely on force, coercion and exploitation–an industry that profits $32 billion annually from rape.

This DOES happen and it is happening here in our country and in our state. It is a huge problem. So huge that some of you may be thinking, gosh what could I even do about this. Well, that is where the cool organization Run 4 Revolution comes in.

Run 4 Revolution is a worldwide running club that, through its members, creates awareness and helps fund the fight against the violence that steals dignity and health from children trafficked into forced prostitution. It also just so happens that this organization was stared my two of my buds Lindsey and Lindy.

All donations received and money earned by Run 4 Revolution go directly to fund the International Justice Mission. The International Justice Mission fights to secure the protection of the law for trafficked women and children. Human trafficking will continue as long as it is a profitable criminal enterprise. By working to free victims and prosecuting the criminals benefiting from this industry, IJM operations actively increase the risk and decrease the profitability of trafficking.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. Running, UGH! I used to run like crazy. Since I started having babies, not so much. But if there was ever a reason to hit the pavement this is it! I mean come on, almost all of us can at least attempt even if what we do is more of a quick walk. You would run if someone's life depended on it, right. Well it does!

Get out there and RUN. Run for a revolution! Run like someone's life depended on it! BUT before you do go to www.run4revolution.com and join up so that you will be motivated knowing you are running to save lives.

IT'S POTTY TIME!!!

At Grayson's 18-month check-up his pediatrician recommended that we start potty training. She said that some boys train later, but he seemed to be showing some signs that he may be ready. So, I went out a bought a potty seat and it has been sitting in the box for about two weeks.

Today we decided to get the potty seat out. When we first set it up we sat Grayson on it for just a few minutes. Nothing happened, but I wasn't surprised by that.

Before bath we decided to let Grayson sit on his potty again. He sat for just about a minute before he asked for a book. Hmmmm, okay????? So, we got him a book. As soon as he got his book he pooped and had a pee pee in the potty. Then he tried to get up and said "done". I was shocked!

We gave him a treat, let him help with dumping the ummm deposit into the big potty, he flushed it and told it bye-bye, and then he washed his hands. What a big boy!!!! We are so proud. I do have one question. Are guys born with the desire to read while they do their business? I am certain he has never seen this and wonder what made him want a book. So strange?!?!?!

Battle Vegetable Continued

First, you can only read this post after reading the one right before it that I posted earlier today.

Okay now that I have that taken care of. . .

So Grayson did not give in for snack. He continued to refuse his vegetables and asked for cheese. Snack ended without him eating a bite. About an hour after snack I offered him a banana since he was SUPER cranky and I knew it was probably because he was hungry. He ate most of the banana.

About 2 1/2 hours later (earlier than we typically eat dinner) he started asking to eat. Since we were having leftovers tonight, it was pretty easy to get dinner ready and sit down to eat early for the little hungry guy. So, again out comes the peas and corn. Instantly Grayson started to fuss.

After 45 minutes of crying and one time out for getting REALLY loud and tantrumy (Yes that is a word) Grayson gave in. PRAISE GOD!!! Out of the blue he just started eating the peas and corn. As I suspected, he liked it just fine. He ate almost all of them. Just before he finished the veggies he got some beef stroganoff. Ahhhh, pasta! Just what he wanted.

Score one for Mommy and Daddy. Let's not have this battle again.

BATTLE VEGETABLE

At lunch today we had an all out war, Grayson style. Up until this point Grayson has been a very easy eater. There hasn't really been anything that he has refused to eat and nothing that he has seemed to hate. Like most people, he has his preferences. He loves pasta, bread, fruit, and cheese. Since around 11 months Grayson has been eating whatever we have for dinner. We sit down as a family and he eats what we are eating.

I guess I should back up and explain why Grayson eating what we eat and what we give him is important to us. We believe that God gives parents a very special job to train our children up according to His way. Most important to us is that Grayson learn the love of God and the saving Grace that comes from Jesus. There are also several other lessons that we feel come with training Grayson up to be a follower of God. I am sure by now you are thinking, what in the world does this have to do with eating. Well we feel that every moment of the day is a teaching moment. Meal times are no exception. Meal times present me with the opportunity to teach some lessons we feel God has called us to teach Grayson.

1. To be thankful for what God has blessed us with.
2. To not be wasteful of the resources that God has given us.
3. To obey his parents (manners, following directions, etc.)
4. To learn to take care of the bodies God has blessed us with through healthy eating habits.
5. To understand that you don't always get what you want right when you want it. Sometime you have to wait or sometimes answer is just no and you have to accept it and trust that your parents have made that decision in your best interest. Just as God does not always give us what we want when we want it.

In addition it is important to us that Grayson understand that he will eat what is prepared at meal time. Mommy is not a short order cook and although some nights we eat foods Grayson loves (pizza) sometimes he must find contentment in eating something that is not his favorite. I know, I know that is heavy stuff for an 18 month old. Well, we also believe that the training of a child starts at day one.

It is also important that we sit down as a family and have a meal together. That is an important time to come together as a family to talk about our days and share. We want to start this now so that Grayson grows up knowing that dinner time is family time. That little tid-bit doesn't really apply to today's adventure.

On to today's new battle. A while back we noticed that if we give Grayson a full plate of all that is for dinner, he will eat what he likes and push the rest aside. For example, if we are having chicken, rice, and peas. Grayson will eat the rice and maybe a little chicken. He will either put the peas in his bib or just push them aside. Grayson likes peas. He likes all vegetables. If that is all that is offered he eats them happily. So, for a while we have been giving Grayson his vegetables first just before we sit down and then after he eats most of those he gets the rest of his servings of the things he likes.

Well today Grayson figured out my trick. At lunch he was to be served peas, corn, cheese stick, and turkey on wheat. My plan was to give him the peas and corn first then give the turkey sandwich, and lastly give the cheese. The cheese is his favorite. So, I fix his peas and corn (which he typically loves). First he dumps them out of the bowl (umm, NOT allowed). We work together to put them back in the bowl as I explain that our food belongs in the bowl and not on our table. Then Grayson begins pointing to the fridge and says "chee" (Cheese). I say, "first you must eat your vegetables and then you can have cheese". HE REFUSED!!!! Never has this happened. He sat there whining and pointing for about 15 minutes. Finally, I say okay I will get the cheese, but you must eat some peas and corn first. I get the cheese out and set it on the counter as motivation. I then say, "First eat vegetables, then eat cheese." He pushes the bowl of vegetables away, says no, and reaches for the cheese. That lets me know he totally gets what I am expecting of him and he is refusing to comply. So there we sat. I ate my lunch and he became more and more upset as each moment passed. Eventually he is screaming. I try to feed him a bite of peas and he turns away. I get the cheese, and say take a bite of peas and you can have some cheese. He pushes the spoon away. So, the cheese went back on the counter. He screamed for 15 more minutes and never ate a bite. He stopped screaming and just sat there looking at me. Finally he said done and took his bib off.

So, lunch was over. I am sure some of my reader friends are thinking, "What?!?!?!? You didn't let him eat any lunch". My response is, Grayson chose to not eat lunch. He was served things he liked and he refused to eat them. Don't get me wrong, I will never force my child to eat something he hates. If it makes him gag to try to eat it then he will not have to eat it, but he typically loves peas and today he chose not to eat his lunch. He will not starve. Snack is served 4 hours after lunch and I will probably offer snack early today since he didn't eat lunch, but guess what. . .for snack he will again be offered vegetables.

My son will not go an entire day without eating his vegetables. That is not an option in this house. They are important for providing the vitamins and minerals he needs to be healthy. I bet at snack time he will be hungry enough to eat them and then he will get to enjoy a cheese stick. Then again, maybe we will go for Round 2. We shall see.

I do know that God will give me the strength, guidance, and patience to handle this the way that I need to and on the other side of this Grayson will have learned another important lesson.

BOO

Halloween has come and gone. It was a blast. We had lots of friends and family over for the big night. Grayson was a dinosaur. I will try my best to get a picture up here soon. I know I am terrible about that. He was adorable and loved his costume.

We practiced on Friday evening and Saturday morning trying to get him to say Trick or Treat. He could say it, but never did the entire time we were trick or treating. We had some of Grayson's friends over. Peyton was a horse, Rin was a love bug, and Lexie was Pooh Bear. They were all adorable.

After everyone arrived we loaded the kids up in the wagon and headed out to pay a visit to the neighborhood. All of the costumes described above were full furry suits purchased in early October by well intentioned parents who were determined to keep their kiddies warm while out on a late October evening. I don't remember a Halloween that has been remotely warm. Well low and behold this year it was like mid-July out. Here we are pulling these kids around the hilly neighborhood in a monster wagon. As if that wasn't enough work, at each stop we would get the kids out, help them up the sidewalk, carry them up the steps, and then put them down so they can get their treats, pick them back up, and go back to the wagon. All of us were sweating like freaks! It was crazy hot! I think we made it to like 10 houses before we were all too hot and exhausted to keep going.

The kids seemed to have a blast and that made it all worth while. After the first house Grayson totally got the concept that when he went to the door and Mommy said, "trick or treat" (because even after all that practice he acted like he didn't have a clue what to say) he got candy. He loved it!

After trick or treating we came back to our house for a hot dog and mac and cheese dinner. We had lots of friends over from our small group and then my mom, troy, ret, my dad, Brooke, Bradley, and Peyton came. I selected our menu based on what my mom served my sister and I every Halloween of our childhood and our friends brought other sides. The hot dog tradition continues!

Unfortunately Sue wasn't able to come. She was actually in Raleigh at Wake Med. Sue had back surgery last Thursday. The surgery went well and she is home now, but was in no shape to join us on Halloween. Instead we took Grayson up to see her on Sunday in his costume. We are praying for a speedy easy recovery for Granny Sue.

So Halloween has passed. I am already thinking about what we can dress Grayson up as next year. HMMMMMMM.

18 MONTHS

Grayson celebrated his 18-month birthday last week. I just can't believe he is now closer to being two than one. That is crazy!

The only real big thing with turning 18-months is the check-up. Grayson is finally in the 5th percentile for weight. He actually weighed 21 lbs, 11 ounces. He got three shots and did pretty well. The doctor was very impressed with all of his new words and said he was doing very well developmentally.

Grayson has lots of new words these days. Too many for me to keep up with. He knows all of his body parts, clothing items, etc. At school he is learning sign language (which we used at home before he could speak) and he is pairing the signs he has learned with the words often. He has also started to work on colors and is learning "orange" this month.

Grayson's favorite activities continue to be reading books and playing with balls. Recently we watched our first movie as a family. I thought it was probably a little early for Grayson but we were all home sick and it seemed like the perfect time for some cuddling and a movie on the couch. We watched Horton Hears a Who and Grayson actually watched a little over half of it. Later that same week Justin bought Stuart Little. Grayson LOVES it. We have watched it almost every day since. There is only one part that he doesn't like. The family cat jumps up and tries to eat Stuart before he knows that Stuart is a family member. EVERY time that part comes up Grayson cries. It is almost funny to see him respond in such a tender hearted way. I try to prepare him each time, "Uh-oh, here comes that mean old cat and he is going to try to get Stuart". No matter how much we talk about it beforehand, he jumps like it surprises him and cries.

Grayson was finally able to meet his new cousin, Jackson, this past weekend while we were in Greensboro for Uncle Jay's 40th birthday. Grayson really didn't seem too interested in Jackson other than being annoyed anytime Jackson had Nana's attention. Grayson will have to get used to sharing his Nana because he is likely to have lots of cousins on that side of the family.

Unfortunately Grayson has been out of school for the last two days. He had a fever on Monday. No flu, just some sort of virus. He has no other symptoms other than the fever. Hopefully he will be back to normal by tomorrow. Missing school means he is missing some of the halloween fun this week. He doesn't realize he is missing anything, but it breaks my heart to know that he is.

We are really looking forward to Halloween. Grayson is going to be a dinosaur and he is having friends over to go trick-or-treating. I think it will be a blast.

TRUE FRIENDS

Many people say that true friends are few and far between or most people can count their true friends on one hand. It always makes me wonder what others consider a "true friend". For me a true friend is someone you can count on to be there when things aren't great in your world. True friends don't need to ask if something is wrong, they just know. Those friends know when you are upset about something and if they should distract you, make you laugh, or cry with you. True friend celebrate your successes because they really are so happy to see you achieve. True friends can get together with no plans at all and have the best time ever. True friends love you just the way you are. Most importantly at this point in my life, true friends remember the lost daughters I can't go a moment without thinking about.

Every now and then God speaks to the heart of someone and through that person or people reminds us just how blessed we are. Last week I got one of those reminders.

I know four of the most amazing women in the world. These ladies are beautiful, successful, genuine, strong, reliable, loving, faithful, generous, and too many other amazing characteristics for me to list. During college and graduate school these ladies walked into my life and haven't walked away once since. My Boone Girls, Beth, Kelly, Meka, and Sarah, are true friends to me. We have laughed, cried, celebrated, comforted, and supported each other for many years now.

My daughters would be 5 months old now if they have survived delivery and 8 weeks old if they had made it full term. There are days that I feel like I am the only person in the world that thinks about them. I know in my heart that is not at all true. Many people loved them, but it is easy to get to feeling that way on a tough day. I came home last week after a particularly rough week. I was down about things in general. You know, feeling really sorry for myself.

I came home to a package on the counter. My first thought was that my mom used a REALLY big box to ship my contacts to me. Then I looked at the handwriting and the return address. I was from Kel! I opened the box to find the most uplifting card from my Boone girls. They wrote that they were thinking of me and that they would always remember Faith and Avery. Then came the tears. Inside the box was a Chamilia bracelet. On it were two charms, a little boy and twin girls. Charms to represent my children! It is honestly one of the most amazing and touching gifts I have ever received.

I can't express to these girls how much they mean to me. It is beyond a great blessing to have them in my life. I am blessed to be able to call those beautiful women my friends. I have other true friends too. So many people who have supported me during the last few months. SO, I can't count my true friends on one hand nor are my true friends few and far between. God knew I needed some extra blessing in that department of my life. Last week He reminded me that I am not only blessed with amazing friends, but I am not alone in missing and remembering Faith and Avery. What a Gift!!!!

NOODLE SOUP

As I write this update Grayson is in his highchair chowing down on some homemade Chicken and Vegetable Noodle Soup. This is only interesting because I made Chicken Noodle Soup for him last winter and he hated it. He wouldn't touch it! Tonight he is on his 4th helping. Thanks to my friend Cindy for the suggested addition of Cumin to my recipe. I decided to give it a whirl again because Justin is sick and Grayson and I both still have a bit of a cold. Not only that, but it is FREEZING outside today. I think the high today and tomorrow is like 49 or something and it is raining. PERFECT weather for soup.

Things have been really busy around our household. As you all know, Grayson went back to daycare and preschool pretty much full time following our vacation. The original plan was to keep him out one day every week or every other week for a day with Mommy. First because he was so accustomed to being with me every day all summer and secondly because I miss him like crazy. Well as it turns out we have been SUPER busy at work, which is a great thing for the company, but I haven't been able to spend much time with Grayson. I even typically take him to my office after I pick him up from his half-day at preschool so he can nap there and I can get more done. Don't get me wrong, he loves being at the office. All of the people there love him and spoil him like crazy. Today it was time for a break.

Today I kept Grayson out of daycare and we spent the day together. It was wonderful. He went with me to the office for a bit and then we went to play over with his friends Lexie and Jack. He was so excited when he realized that he was not going to daycare. When he saw that we were pulling into my office he gasped and then reached for me in the front seat saying "Oh MaMaaaaa". He had a blast at the office with Brenda and Gen. They just spoil him rotten and give him all sorts of love and attention. Then when we got to Cindy's house he had the opportunity to play with all sorts of toys that are different than what he has at home. Once he got comfortable in the new environment he has a blast and I had fun spending time with Cindy and her kiddos.

Grayson has been becoming more and more social. At daycare I am told that he is the last to go to sleep at nap and the first to wake up. Apparently he likes to try to talk to the kids in the cribs near him and the teacher has to stay by his crib to keep him from keeping the other kids awake. I wonder where he gets the "don't want to miss the party" attitude? She and the preschool teacher both say that he talks all day long. You can't understand most of what he says. I think it is adorable. Just the other day I got to the daycare and he was on the playground. I decided to watch him play from inside just to see what he is like on the playground without mommy around. All of the children were inside a little playhouse. Grayson was outside at the window. The window has two shutters that close over it. Grayson was closing the window and looking through the crack at the kids inside. After a few minutes of peeking in he would fling open the shutters and yell at the kids inside. They would all giggle and then he would close them back. He played this game for like five minutes. It was adorable. It's just another way that he is growing up so fast.

Grayson is finally starting to talk on the phone. Just tonight, after finishing his soup, he was talking on the phone to his uncle Jay. Prior to this last week or so he would just freeze when anyone tried to talk to him on the phone. He would take the phone as if he were interested in talking and then he would just sit there without saying a word. Not any more!!! He just gabs and gabs. You can't understand a word, but he is happy to be sharing his story with the person on the other end.

As far as fostering goes, we had our second class last night. We now have the paperwork to get our fingerprinting done, but even after that there are tons of things left to be done. Thank you all for the prayers and support. Also a special thanks to all of those people who have offered to keep Grayson on Tuesdays for us. It really helps to have people volunteering so we don't have to stress over it. A special, special thanks to Brian and Jodie who kept him for the first two classes. We are blessed to have such an amazing support system in our friends here since both sides of our family live at least an hour away.

ONE DOWN, EIGHT TO GO

That's right! We began our nine week journey through MAPP this week. MAPP is the name for the fostering classes that we are required to take in order to become licensed foster parents. For some reason actually going to the classes makes me feel like we are officially starting this journey. I guess we are really just starting this leg of the journey with many more to go.

Originally I was told that we would be licensed immediately after we completed our classes and I was led to believe that most people don't make themselves available to foster newborns so we could expect a placement pretty quickly. This is because you either have to be a stay at home mom or agree to take a 6-week leave of absence from work when the baby is placed. Apparently I was misinformed. I am sure this will not be the first time during this process that one county employee tells us something that contradicts what we have previously been told by another. The leader for our MAPP class spoke during the session about the process and described a "possible" 8 week wait following the completion of the class before we will actually be licensed. She also explained that "everyone" wants babies so the wait is longer for those placements. After hearing that it sounds a little less like we will have a placement by Christmas. I am okay with that. We will get our placement in God's perfect timing. I have learned from this not to get my hopes up about anything in this process.

We did learn some other interesting facts that will make this experience a little more of a challenge than we originally expected. I will not elaborate until or if it actually becomes an issue. No need to dwell on it. God doesn't promise us that His will is easy, just that we can do all things through Him.

We do have homework for our next class. We EACH have to write about a 6-page autobiography and fill out a lot of other paperwork. This autobiography will include our entire life's story from birth until now. I love to write so I am not minding it at all. Justin, well. . .pray for him. He does not find joy in activities like this.

As far as little man goes, he is still doing wonderfully. We did finally take him to the doctor and his is now getting two doses per day of a yummy pink antibiotic to get rid of his sinus congestion. All of his teachers at daycare and preschool seem to love him. They go on and on about how much he talks and how cute it is. It is so cute because he doesn't say a whole lot of real words. Mostly jibberish (jargon-for my ST friends). It is so cute that occasionally I catch myself hoping that he doesn't figure out all of the real words. That probably wouldn't work out so well for him in college.

WEST COAST VISITOR

There really hasn't been much going on around here lately. We have all been sick for the past couple of weeks. Grayson still has a pretty bad cough that is keeping him up at night. In fact, we didn't make it to church today because he was up for much of last night. I am pretty sure I will be putting a call in to Dr. Murnane tomorrow.

Being sick hasn't slowed Grayson down much. He is as busy as ever and is ALL boy. He now enjoys jumping on everything. Oh yeah, EVERYTHING. He jumps on the couch, the bed, his toys, me. It doesn't really matter if what is below him is bouncy, he jumps anyway and laughs the whole time.

We recently decided it was time to get Grayson some more age-appropriate toys and started looking for Christmas items. We went ahead and got a couple of things. Even with the new toys, his favorites still seem to be balls and books. He loves to be read to. He has three favorite books, I Love you Through and Through, The NCSU Book, and Hello Bee. These are really the only books he will sit and listen to. The others he just likes to look at the pictures.

Grayson had a very special visitor today. My cousin, Angela, was in town visiting from California. She doesn't make it out here often and didn't get to see Grayson on her last visit. This was Grayson's first time meeting her. Angela and I went to lunch while Grayson was at home with daddy for his nap. Then we came back to the house and Grayson had a great time with her. Obviously I was thrilled to see her, but Grayson really enjoyed showing her around his room and introducing her to all of his toys and books. He is such a little people person. He even walked all the way to the end of the drive way to tell her good-bye. He kept blowing kisses and waving. What a sweetie!!!

TREE PLANTING

When Faith and Avery passed away we decided that we would plant a tree by their grave around their due date. Although they would have been born around the end of August my 40 week due date was last Thursday (9/24). After lots of searching we settled on the Dynamite Crepe Myrtle. It is a very pretty tree with bright red blooms. The tree will bloom from spring (around the girls' birthday) until the Fall when they were actually due to be born. It grows quickly and is VERY drought resistant, which we need around here.

So, on Sunday we went down to the cemetery to plant our daughters' tree. It is so tiny now, but very pretty. I can't wait to see how beautiful it will be in the spring of next year. It will bring a lot of beauty to place that is often difficult to visit.

On a more happy note we have an update about our journey into fostering. We found out on Friday that our application was accepted and we have been enrolled in the 8 week MAPP class. YAY! During this class we will complete the training that is required and complete our physicals and home inspections. Our classes begin next week and will be completed on December 2nd. The director of the program asked during our conversation if we were already prepared to bring a baby into our home. You know, do we have a crib, is the room ready, etc. I said well we have most of what we would need, but it isn't really all set up just the way we would want it. She recommended we get a start on that. Although there are no guarantees, because you never know how these things may go, she said it was likely we would get a placement pretty quickly after completing our classes and inspections. WOW! That could put a new baby in our home by Christmas. Wouldn't that be amazing?!?!? I am trying to remember that anything with the State can and almost always does get tricky. I don't want to get excited and then end up waiting for a placement until March or something crazy. Anyway, it will all unfold in God's perfect timing. Please pray for us as we enter this new chapter.

PRESCHOOL

Last week Grayson started preschool. He is attending Hudson Memorial MMO (Mom's Morning Out) Program on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He is there from 9-12:30. We did all the preparation for school before we left for vacation. Pretty much all that is required at this age is a little backpack to carry his change of clothes and diapers in and a lunch bag.

Grayson loves his backpack. In fact, when we returned from vacation it was the first thing he went to. He put it on an wore it on his back for most of that evening. He does love his backpack.

Justin and I worked hard to make sure that he got to bed early and got plenty of sleep. The morning of I made his favorite breakfast (muffins, eggs, and fruit) and gave him plenty of time for the leisurely type of breakfast he enjoys. We got him ready all while talking about how he was going to go to preschool to play, learn, and make new friends. I am sure he was like, "yeah, sure, whatever you say."

We got to school after praying he would have a great day the whole way there. He got out of the car and wanted to walk in on his own with his backpack on his back. He would barely hold my hand in the parking lot. All I could think was, is this preschool or middle school?

We got into the building and he quickly realized that all of the big people were walking back out without their little people. Then he wanted to be held. By the time his teacher came to the door to greet him, he was acting like he didn't want to go in and starting to cry. I took him over to the hook with his name on it to show him were to hang his backpack. I put his backpack away and told him it was time to play. He said, "play?", went right into his teacher's arms and said "bye-bye". I was left standing there thinking, no, wait, that happened way too fast!!!!

Apparently he did great the whole day. When I arrived to pick him up he was really happy to see me and seemed very excited with trying to tell me about his day. That lasted until we got into the car and then he was out like a light before we even got out of the parking lot. I guess they wore him out.

Thursday's drop off didn't go as well. HE SCREAMED!!! I finally just had to walk away. The teacher told me when I came for pick-up that he only cried for a moment before he became very interested a toy.

This upcoming week brings another adjustment. After a weekend of spoiling with his Nana, Grayson is supposed to be going back to daycare. He has been out for the entire summer with me and his aunt Meg. He will go there on Monday, Wednesday, and/or Friday opposite of his preschool days. I will keep him out with me one of those three days as my schedule allows. I still want to be able to have plenty of Mommy and Grayson time.

I said he is supposed to be going to daycare because at this moment he has a terrible cold and a bit of a fever. You know you aren't supposed to send them if they have had a fever in the last 24 hours. I just love when God throws you a curve ball. Tomorrow is going to be the most hectic day at work I have had in a long time. I thought we had it all figured out with taking him to daycare tomorrow. Yeah, I am not sure at this point that is going to happen. We shall see.

TOPSAIL '09

We made it home from our week of vacation about 2 hours ago. We are all unpacked, the laundry is started, and we are enjoying those last few moments of relaxation before it's all over. Yes, our much anticipated trip to Topsail is now over and we have been left with a ton of wonderful memories.

We had a great week!I pray all year for a sunny and enjoyable trip full of quality time with our family and we had all of those things. Well, almost all of those things. We had only two days of less than desirable weather (one with rain, one with clouds and wind), we definately enjoyed every minute, but unfortunately our Granny Royal wasn't able to make it this year. She typically goes with us and the trip just wasn't the same without her. Granny had some complications following a minor surgery she had the week before and was admitted to the hospital while we were at Topsail. I will update on that when I have more information. All I know now is that she will be transported to Duke on Tuesday for the removal of some sort of digestive track blockage.

Grayson had a fantastic time at the "beesh". He loved the sand, which wasn't a surprise to us since he loves his sandbox at home. He was happy in the water as long as he had daddy or another adult with him, and he loved playing and relaxing at the beach house. Grayson did venture out to the water once on his own with use watching him a VERY short distance away. He didn't get very deep at all (ankle deep) before a big wave came and he lost his footing. Daddy ran over to scoop him up right away and Grayson learned an important lesson about being careful in the ocean.

Some of Grayson's favorite things about our vacation was playing in the sand with Peyton, walking on the beach with daddy, rocking on the porch and singing with grandpa, waking granny and grandpa up in the morning to cuddle, and finding shells to bring mommy. Grayson also went on his first boat ride at Topsail with Granny and Grandpa. Dad took him out in the floudering boat with his life jacket on. It was adorable. They said he enjoyed the ride, except for when bigger boats passed in the sound and made big waves for them to ride over.

We had a few visitors throughout the week. Anne and Adra came for a day from Wilminton. Grayson really like playing with Adra on the beach. He followed her everywhere. Adam and Lisa came for the last weekend to spend some time with us. It was really nice to share some vacation time with good friends.

We were all together as a family the whole week which was wonderful. Justin and I even got to go out for a dinner date thanks to granny and grandpa keeping Grayson. Other than that and a men's outing for some golf we didn't really venture far from our little cottage. In fact, Grayson didn't even get in his carseat from last Sunday until last night when we rode out to the point to watch the sunset. That is how I like to do vacation. Long days on the beach and memorable nights eating dinner as family and just relaxing at the cottage with a little floudering in the mix.

Yes, I said floundering. We go flounder gigging at Topsail. My dad has been doing that for as long as I can remember. You go at night, drop lights down into the water, and gig the flounder we see laying on the bottom of the sound. It is really fun. We gigged a total of 25 flounder this week. Mostly by Justin and dad. I went out one night and got one and Adam and Lisa both gigged some flounder while they were there. That all made for a yummy fish fry on our last night. Yes, Grayson loved the fish!

So now we are back to the real world. Grayson starts preschool this week and we have lots of other things going on. It will be a whole year before we return to Topsail, God willing, and do it all over again. I will be couting down the days until.

THE BIG 3-0

Yes, this week I turned 30. It was a wonderful birthday week. Justin and Grayson made sure to pamper me and treat me very special all week. My office hosted a birthday party on Wednesday and our small group went out for dinner that night to celebrate. On my actual birthday Grandpa Royal came up to keep Grayson while I went to the spa and then to the football game with Justin. On Friday my dad, Sue, Brooke, Bradley, and Peyton came up to go out for dinner and on Saturday my mom and Aunt Ret came up for a day of shopping. It has been a busy, but VERY special week.

Last week, in honor of the end of summer (Grayson starts preschool soon), Grayson and I took a day trip to Wilmington. I got to see my friend from college, Anne, and meet her sweet daughter, Adra. Anne and I had not seen one another in at least 8 years. The plan was to head to the beach, but the rain forced us to resort to Plan B. Plan B turned out to be Monkey Joes. I have never been there with Grayson. It is a big warehouse-type space full of giant bouncy houses. I went in thinking Grayson would probably spend most of his time in the toddler bouncy house. Boy was I ever wrong! He went for the biggest and best ones with the big slides. Obviously those are not really made for someone with little short legs. SO, I ended up having to go in with him to help him up the climbing walls to the slides he was so determined to go down (all by himself). I am sure that I looked like an absolute fool in these giant bouncy houses, but I was so proud of him. It was adorable and a wonderful way to wrap up the summer visiting friends.

As I said, Grayson is about to start preschool. We went to preschool orientation on Friday and he seemed to love it. He went right into his class and made himself at home with all of the toys and things. Both of his teachers seemed really nice. I hope he will like being there. The actual first week is next week, but we will be on vacation so Grayson will start a week later than the other kids. He will be going on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9:30 until 1.

Grayson has started doing one really funny thing these last couple of weeks. Apparently we have really drilled the no-no thing. For those of you who don't believe in spanking or popping, you may want to move on to the next paragraph. Anyway, so we pop Grayson on the hand or leg when he is clearly being disobedient and doing something that we have repeatedly told him he is not allowed to do. This form of punishment works well with Grayson. Only once did he decide that the activity was worth the pop. That activity was throwing food. At that point we resorted to time out on the upstairs landing (yes, it is all gated and safe). He hates being alone so that form of punishment works when the crime is worth the punishment of a pop to Grayson. After one time out, he no longer throws food. The popping has worked for everything else so far. These days Grayson has pretty much learned all of the things around the house he is not allowed to touch or do. Occasionally he just can't seem to help himself and he must do that one thing he knows not to. When this happens he makes sure to do it right in front of us, says no-no to himself, and then pops his own hand. WHAT do you do with that?!?!?!? Is this self injurious behavior??? Should I be worried ;-)

Tonight things are pretty busy around our house. We leave for the beach tomorrow. It is our annual trip to Topsail with the Royal family. I am so excited that I can hardly stand it. I am pretty sure Grayson can sense the excitement and I am certain he knows we are going away. While I was packing tonight he got in his suitcase and said, "Go-Go". I replied, "Yes baby we are going to go-go tomorrow to the beach, but right now you need to get out and go to bed so that I can pack your clothes". He got out and I got his clothes all packed, but there are a million things left to do. I love the excitement of getting ready for vacation!!!

THIS WEEK

Yep, this week has come and is pretty much gone. What week, you ask? This is the week that Faith and Avery should have been born. If all had gone well, my doctor would have induced labor on Thursday. It was a hard week. We tried often to focus on all of the blessings around us and not focus on what might have been, but that wasn't always easy. It was a sad week.

I honor of the idea of an expanding family, we do have some news. NO, I am not pregnant although it does seem like everyone else in the world around us is. We have decided to begin the process to become foster parents. Fostering has always been something that I have felt a bit of an urging towards. I could never get over the thought of giving a child back once I had made room in my heart for them. So until this point I have only marveled at those who seem to have found a way to get over that idea that I could not. During this process of giving our own daughters back to the God that loved them more than we can even imagine we coped by realizing that in all things God has a greater purpose. A couple of months after the loss of our girls that urge to foster crept back up on me again. I felt like God was telling me, I have prepared you for this and now your heart is ready. Justin will quickly admit that I felt called before he did, but we are praying that if this the direction that God has for our family that he will prepare the hearts of each member (including Grayson). We have filled out the application and now we must wait to see if Wake County feels we are qualified to begin the training classes. Those last 8 weeks and the next session begins in mid-October. I will keep you all posted. Our prayer right now is that God will lead our path and decisions and that if this is not what He would have for our family, then we are asking that He close this door.

Grayson is wonderful, as usual. Since Aunt Meg's departure he has been going with me to the office a lot. He is so good there. He loves to make copies with some of the therapists and he really loves working with Ms. Brenda, our office manager and office mom. He sits at the desk with her clicking away on the mouse she lets him play with, adding up who knows what on the adding machine, and drawing. Oh he is in Heaven! Brenda treats him just like one of her own grandchildren. He isn't spoiled there one bit. I feel so blessed to have a working situation where I can take him there when I need to. It makes life so much easier.

Grayson has finally transitioned to going to bed without the pacifier. He didn't cry at all the last two nights. He has also dropped a nap. Grayson went from taking two, two hour naps to now only taking one (hour to an hour and a half) nap. He goes and goes and goes and now that he is walking he gets there really fast. I don't know where he gets the energy from. He is talking a lot more. His jibberish is adorable and he has a lot of real words now. He is now saying fish, truck, spoon, light, that, yummy, yuck, poop, pool, and no. Everything is HOT these days and he loves to talk about his shoes. He is even putting some two words together like "hi daddy" and "bye fish". He will also try to say people's names if you tell him how to say it. He says Pa-pa (for his grandpa) regularly, Guh (?) for his Aunt Meg, Bee for his aunt B, and he has tried to say Levi, Rin, Peyton, Lisa, Brenda, and Katie.

His two most amazing things this past week both involved talking. After a day at the pool with my friend Cindy and her kids, one who is named Jack, he came home remembering that Jack-Jack. I asked Grayson to tell daddy who he saw that day when Justin got home from work not really expecting a response. He quickly replied, "Jack-Jack". I asked him several more times throughout the evening and the next day. Same answer, Jack-Jack. Guess that little fella made an impression. Grayson also learned the sound a dinosaur makes. Grayson doesn't do a typical roar like most little boys. Oh no, he has a very deep growl of a roar that will make you fall in the floor laughing. I LOVE IT!

Oh, and one last thing for those of you who have not seen them yet. We FINALLY had Grayson's one year and our family pictures done. Remember, right after he turned one I went on bed rest and well the rest since has been chaos. Anyway, they turned out great. You can take a look by going to www.mycreativeclicks.com Click on the baby in the middle of the page. That will take you to the galleries. Grayson's gallery is named Grayson and the password is Caldwell (case sensitive). Let us know what you think.

Bye-Bye Paci

As a speech therapist I am fully aware of a pacifiers impact on oral development and speech. My rule for clients and recommendation for other parents has always been that by age one a child should only be using the pacifier for naps or bed and around 18 months it should be gone all together. I am a little bit on the conservative side when it comes to this. Some professionals will say the pacifier is okay until 2 or 3. I am not one of those.
As you all know our little fella has become rather attached to his "paa", as he calls it. He uses it for bed and nap. We also give it to him for long car rides when we want him to fall asleep. Grayson is quickly approaching 18 months. He will be 16 months this week. Justin and I have been talking recently about when and how to cease the pacifier use especially since Grayson tries to talk with it in his mouth. That is one of my pet peeves.
Well we decided to take the paci head on tonight. Actually we were planning to attempt last night, but Grayson wasn't feeling well so as soon as he started to cry we gave it back. Tonight I knew we had to be tough and stick to our guns. Giving in would only teach him that he if screams we will give him what he wants, right?
As Grayson was getting ready for bed he saw his pacifier and put it in his mouth. We decided to let him take it out. After several "eewww, yuck", "throw that away", and "that's gross" comments, Grayson took the pacifier out of his mouth and threw it on the floor. So far, so good, right? WRONG! We put him down in his crib and he screamed for an entire hour. Justin went in once to try to calm him down, but that just got him going again. He was determined to get that "paa" back. After an hour of screaming, things have finally gotten quiet upstairs. UGH! I dread nap time tomorrow.

SAYING "SEE YA LATER"

All of us are feeling pretty sad this weekend. Grayson's aunt Megan moved out yesterday afternoon to return to school in Greensboro for the Fall semester. We were more than sad to be seeing her go.

Megan has been living with us since I came home from Duke on May 10th. Originally we planned for Megan to come help while I was on bed rest. At the time I had an opening for an office assistant at my office and we were in desperate need for some help around the house. After the birth of Faith and Avery we encouraged Megan to keep her original plan to come and stay for the summer. Having her here gave her the opportunity to work at Southeast part-time which was nice because she is in school for Speech Pathology. It also gave me the opportunity to pull Grayson out of daycare for the summer. On the days that Megan wasn't working she kept Grayson so that I could go into the office. It was a wonderful arragement for us and I hope that Megan felt the same way.

Megan was such a blessing to us all summer. She did a fabulous job at the office (everyone LOVED her), she was wonderful with Grayson, and she was incredibly helpful around our house. I also think having Megan here really helped with the healing from the loss of our twins, especially that first week. It so was nice for me to not be home alone during that time. Not only was Megan very helpful, but she was GREAT company. We had so much fun with her. I am not sure what it will be like next week when we don't have her funny stories over dinner or her commentary during tv time. I also don't know how Grayson is going to feel when he realizes his Aunt "Ga" isn't returning on Sunday evening like she typically did.

So on Friday we bid a "See ya later" to Megan. We were sad to see her leave our house, but very happy for Megan to begin the next chapter of her life. She only has 3 semesters of undergraduate left and then grad school. Maybe after that she will find her way back to Raleigh for a new job at Southeast as a Speech Therapist. I am sure we wouldn't mind that one bit. She is a pretty amazing person and I know that God has great things in store for her, regardless of where that path leads her.

BIRTHDAY BUDDIES

Grayson has had a pretty eventful couple of weeks. He started walking on Friday, July 31st. I have been postponing posting about it in hopes that I could post it along with a video. I haven't figured out the video posting thing. As soon as I do, I will have one on here.

So, on the 31st he pretty much walked all the way across our living room unassisted. Now, he still prefers to crawl to get where he needs to go because that is much faster, but he seems to be walking a little more each day. He does have a very cute little walk with a bit of a twist in his hips. HILARIOUS!

Just tonight he also decided he prefers walking over crawling, but only when he is dressed as some sort of naked caped crusader. After bath he put his hooded towel on his head and began walking all around the upstairs part of our house as naked as the day he was born. Most of the time when he falls down he abandons walking to crawl around. Not as Gray Bear the Great. This fantastic walking machine refuses to crawl no matter how many times he falls down. It was the most funny thing ever. We do have that on video, however given the lack of appropriate clothing we will not be sharing that one.

Grayson has also been busy the last couple of weeks celebrating the birthdays of some of his bestest pals. Little cuz, Peyton, turned one on Saturday. Aunt Brooke hosted an amazing cookout for all of Peyton's friends and family. Grayson had a blast playing with all the other kiddos and family members. Then on Sunday we celebrated Rin's first birthday. Rin is Grayson's little girlfriend and he plays with her pretty often at church and when we get together with her mom and dad, Katie and Bryce. They also hosted a wonderful cookout and Grayson had a ton of fun helping Rin open her presents and eating cupcakes by going in to it face first.

After this weekend of partying and his recent streaking as Gray Bear the Great, it seems we have a bit of a wild man on our hands. I wonder which of his parents he got that from?

BOOOO HOOOO

Grayson had his 15-month check-up today. He was in such a great mood when we first arrived. He played with books in the waiting room until the nurse called our name. As soon as we walked back and he realized that he had seen this woman, the nurse, before in that same room she was leading him into, he lost it.

Grayson cried through all of his measurements, weighing, and long after the nurse was finished with him. He was able to be calmed and coaxed into looking at a book while we waited for the doctor to arrive.

He was pretty cooperative for Dr. Murnane and did all the things she asked. Well except for walking. She isn't worried. She said as long as he will walk holding one finger, which he will do, we shouldn't be worried. He is just scared to let go.

After she finished we found out that Grayson would be getting two shots. He was fine being put up on the table, but as soon as the nurse walked in he got nervous. I gave him his pacifier, hoping that would help. He got SO upset when she gave him the shot. He cried until he fell asleep in the care on the way home. Poor baby!

It wasn't all bad. We did get some good news about his weight. Grayson is FINALLY at 20 pounds. 20 pounds and 2 ounces to be exact AND he is back on the chart at the 3rd percentile. His length was in the 10th percentile. We don't have to go back for his weight to be checked until his 18-month appointment. YAY!!! I guess all that eating has finally paid off. Oh and we do know why he had some fussy spells over the weekend. He is cutting three of his molars. He now has 11 teeth total. Mystery solved!

THREE AMIGOS

Grayson hit the 15 month mark last week. As usual, time is flying by. At 15 months, he is just amazing. He has decided to keep crawling and pretty much refuses to walk. He can walk. Oh yes, we have seen him do it and he even took about 5 steps at his Granny and Grandpa's last weekend. We will see what his doctor thinks about that at his 15 month appointment tomorrow. I expected him to walk a little late after his broken leg, but now I think he has just decided that it is much faster to crawl and he likes to get around quickly.

Lots of great things have been happening in Grayson's world lately and he has even picked up some new words to talk about it. He can now say hi, bye, pa pa, grandpa, car, baaa (for a sheep or goat), fish, truck, and will attempt to imitate most anything you say.

Last weekend was spent with his Granny and Grandpa. They took him to the Ft. Fisher aquarium. We are still waiting on copies of those pictures. (Hint-Hint). As usual, Grayson came home with some treats and now has a new fish friend to keep him company in the crib (stuffed-not real).

This past weekend Grayson was able to spend some time with two of his favorite buds, Louis and Levi. The three of them were incredibly entertaining together. Louis is almost 2 and Levi is almost 18 months old. It is so nice to see him together now that they sort of play with one another. Grayson just loved watching those two bigger buddies. He had a ball playing with all of Levi's toys and swimming in Levi's grandparents pool.

Justin and I also had a great time visiting with Beth, Matt, Kelly, and Wez. All of us spent the weekend together at the Rollins' new home in Thomasville. It was a much needed vacation for me and I couldn't have spent it with better friends. We are blessed with so many great friends. The Rollins and Barrells are just a reminder of how much God loves us. Beth and Matt also shared some of their Thomasville friends with us during our visit. It was great to spend a weekend surrounded by such wonderful people.

On Saturday we took the boys and Layla, Neil and Lindsay's energetic and hilarious little red head, to the Lazy 5 farm. There was nothing lazy about his outing. Once we arrived and took care of potty visits and diaper changes we headed over to the barn. There we boarded a huge wagon, were handed a pail of feed, and began our journey into the animal habitat pulled by three HUGE horses. Our trip through the animal habitat lasted a little longer than an hour and was well worth the time and money. Grayson was able to see all kinds of animals up close and watch them eat feed out of mommy and daddy's hands. We saw all sort of goats, deer, llamas, water buffalo, zebras, camels, bison, giraffes, pigs, a rhino and MANY more animals that I can't even remember. It was amazing and Grayson loved it. He was so excited and didn't seem to be scared at all about getting so close to all of those animals.

To wrap up the weekend we traveled to Greensboro to welcome home Papa Jack. Yes, Jack is home from a two week leave from Iraq. We were so happy to get to see him and spend a little time visiting. Grayson got lots of cuddle and play time with his papa. Since it wasn't enough to make-up for only seeing him on a computer screen since January, we decided to leave Grayson in Greensboro for the night to spend more time with his Nana and Papa. We will be picking him back up this afternoon and I can hardly wait to get that little guy back home.

We have been incredibly busy lately and it looks like the rest of the summer will not slow down one bit. I guess we should get used to it. Grayson is a busy guy that likes to stay on the go.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

Okay, so I know it is just a little crazy, but I am me and this is another one of those me things. I like to say "Happy Independence Day" instead of Happy 4th of July. I do often say "Happy 4th", but I prefer the other. I think it is important to acknowledge that the 4th is not just about hot dogs and fireworks, but about celebrating our independence and freedom, which was not "free". People gave their life for the freedoms that we have here in our United States of America and there are many who continue to risk their life to protect those freedoms. So, I have gotten that out! Now, on to Grayson which is the reason most of you even log in to look at this website.

Grayson's second Independence Day was great and we had lots of fun with family doing all of the traditional things (cookout, fireworks, etc.) at Lake Gaston. Grayson spent lots of time with Granny and Grandpa Royal and the whole Royal/Tart family at my Aunt Audrey and Uncle Tommy's house on the lake. He had a blast swimming, playing with his cousin, fishing with grandpa, and watching fireworks.

There was one very important person who did not have the opportunity, even if he had wanted it, to celebrate this holiday with Little Gray Bear. Grayson's Pa-Pa Jack is currently deployed. Yes, Grayson has his very own hero serving and protecting our county right now. Pa-pa Jack has been gone since January. Although Grayson doesn't really understand where Jack is or why he must be there, we try to remember to talk about him often, show Grayson pictures of him regularly, and make sure he has the opportunity with Aunt Meg and Nana to talk to Pa-pa Jack via Skype. I am starting to think that Grayson thinks Pa-Pa Jack has moved into a computer.

I can't tell you how proud we are to say that we know such a fine man. Yes, it stinks to have him away for a whole year. Yes, it is scary to think that he risks his life to protect this country we call home. However, the bottom line is that our freedoms need protecting. Our Independence does not come without cost. We feel very blessed to have a such a man in our family and the opportunity to show Grayson, even though he may not fully understand, that the freedoms we often take for granted require sacrifice.

There are many families and individuals who have sacrificed a great deal so that we can live freely. I hope that on your Independence Day you took time to thank God for the blessing of freedom, time to pray for the men and women who are protecting those freedoms right now, and time to pray for the future of our country and it's leaders.

WHAT A FUN GUY

I tell ya, life just keeps getting better with our little guy. Grayson continues to grow way too fast, but boy has he turned into a character. He keeps us laughing all the time and continues to make friends every time we are out.

Mr. Personality continues to enjoy greeting any and everyone. There are now several cashiers at Target who know him by name. Now, I will admit that living right at Target means we go there way too often. However, most of you would agree that if you ran out of a necessity or if you forgot something you needed for your dinner recipe then I am sure you would run right up to that Super Target and shop away. At any rate, Grayson has several friends there and makes new ones each time we go.

He is now saying lots of cute little words. His favorite this week is "uh-oh". Since he completely understands what it means, he finds it rather amusing to drop something on the floor just so that he can say uh-oh. He is also using "ma-ma" (occasionally "mommy" which melts my heart) and "da-da" in many funny ways these days. Just last week he called down to us during our small group bible study. The kiddos stay upstairs with Aunt Meg and are blocked from joining our study by the baby gate at the top of the stairs. Grayson decided he wanted to join our party and went to the baby gate first calling "MAAAA?!?!?". When he didn't get an answer he called out "DAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?" Fortunately he could not see us laughing. We wouldn't want to teach him that his inappropriate interruptions are funny. Grayson, being the friendly guy he is, also likes to say hi. We have heard other words here and there (fish, car, shoe, stop, all done, and go) but he isn't using these words regularly yet.

Grayson's favorite summer activity is the pool. We most often go to the Spray Ground and Kiddie Pool at one of the local parks. At that kiddie pool he can stand holding onto the side. He loves to creep along the side playing with any toy in his reach. We have also been over to friend's pools (thanks Matt and Kelly for our most recent outing). There Grayson likes to sit on the side with his feet in the water, be carried by mommy and daddy, or float in his baby float.

I have been very fortunate to have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with Grayson this summer. I am enjoying every minute of teaching him, taking him to play with friends, and watching him grow into a little boy.

Just today we went out to his picnic table to color. It was his first real experience with crayons and he did a wonderful job. Can you tell I am proud? Not only is he an artist in this since, but I am convinced he has amazing musical talents. Grayson can dance like no other and he is always right on beat! He also loves to sing. He often serenades us in the car and, without modesty, claps wildly for himself when he is finished. What a star!!!

Again, things continue to be amazing with our little guy. He is so much fun. At least once every day he has us in absolute stitches. It doesn't get any better than that.

OVER-DUE

I know that I have been lazy lately about keeping these postings current so this will be a long one. We have been very busy and it seems to be staying that way. Obviously there have been a lot of changes and new developments with our little fella.

Grayson had a weight check at the doctor's office last week. He is still only 18 pounds, 10 ounces, but the doctor was happy to see that he is staying on his growth curve. He has gotten a lot taller and that seemed to have happened overnight. On Sunday, May 17th, we were in Wade for our twin's burial. Grayson took a little truck he likes to stand behind and push around. It has a seat, but he was too short at that time to sit on it and push himself around because his feet were far from reaching the floor. Literally 2 weeks later his feet were easily touching the floor and he had learned to push himself around. We thought he seemed to be getting taller, but where shocked at how much he had grown so quickly.

Grayson isn't walking yet. He will walk around all day holding your hand, but as soon as you let go he sits down on his little bottom. During our visit to the doctor we were told that he is completely capable and able to walk, he is just a little afraid. AWWWWWWW! The doctor also stated that she was "fine" with him not walking until after his 15-month appointment because she is hoping he will still be maintaining his growth curve at that appointment. Walking may mean he moves more, burns more calories, and possibly trims down some. He can't afford any trimming down.

Grayson continues to have a million hilarious expressions and amazes us every day with his many talents. He can blow his nose like a big boy. He has actually been able to do that for a while now, but that is something that regularly impresses people who see him do it. He can climb all the way up the stairs with no help, but still tries to come down headfirst. He is saying ball, cup, dog, yes, uh-oh, mama, and dada. Actually he thinks all animals are dogs and makes a very cute bark noise when he sees or hears them. Any time he hears a lawn mower he says, “da?” because watching Justin mow the lawn is one of his favorite things to do. If he is mad about not getting to do something or doesn't want something he scrunches his nose. He also has an adorable surprised expression that I have yet to be able to get on camera.

Grayson has developed lots of favorites. He loves to eat spaghetti and even literally licked his bowl clean the last time he had some for dinner. That, I was able to get on camera. His favorite toy, by far, is a ball. That is pretty much what he does most of the day. He throws the ball and then crawls after it. He has an amazing arm and we are starting to think we may have a future Quarterback on our hands. Besides his ball, he really likes books and his bear. He has been sleeping with his bear blanket since birth, but only recently did he seem to really become attached to it. For the first time last week he handed it to me after nap and pointed to the door. I assumed he meant he wanted to take the bear downstairs. When I picked him up he took the bear from my hand, kissed it, put it under his arm, and pointed to the door. THAT was a priceless moment. Grayson loves dancing and music. He has even developed a bit of a preference for pop music, which is kind of bizarre. If you sing, he will try to sing with you and in the car he tries to sing along with the radio. Grayson loves to be outside and will stay in his sand box FOREVER. He still loves to be on the go and is quick to get cabin fever if mommy keeps him at home too much.

Justin and I are enjoying ever minute of our little guy. We have been blessed to have Justin's sister, Megan, staying with us for the summer. She offered her help when I was first put on bed rest. At that same time it turned out that I needed some help in my office too. Since Megan is a speech pathology student, that was a great opportunity for a summer job. It was decided then that, regardless of the outcome of my pregnancy, she would come live with us for the summer to work at my office part-time and help me at home part-time. Since I am no longer unable to take care of myself, having her around has enabled us to take Grayson out of daycare for the summer. Megan is in the office three days per week while I get to stay home with Grayson, and I go into the office the other two days while she takes care of Grayson. I am still doing full-time work, which can be a challenge to get done with only two days in the office and three days at home trying to work and be a mommy, but I wouldn't trade this time for the world. It has been an AMAZING blessing to have Megan in our house and at my office. My days are a little hectic with Grayson, but being able to be with him so much more has helped me deal with the loss of our baby girls. He is great to love on just when I need those good hugs.

Speaking of our little angels, Faith and Avery, there is hardly a moment that passes that they aren't far from my thoughts and in most moments I am thinking of them. I mentioned earlier that we had a burial for them on the 17th of May. It was just a short service for us and some of our family. Our very dear friend, Bryce, led the service and did an amazing job despite the hurricane-like rain and wind. Peyton, Grayson's little cousin, brought two balloons for Grayson to release in memory of his little sisters. It was so sweet to watch them float up into the clouds and out of sight. We are doing well given the circumstances. There are moments that seem unbearable and there are days that I can think of them and smile, which is something I prayed for. For a while it seemed I would never be able to think of them without crying.

I have gotten back the results of all of the tests that the hospital did and everything came back negative. That news was a little difficult because when you lose something, "why" is the question you want answered. We will likely not get that answer during this lifetime and that has been a little hard to accept. My OB-GYN wants to do one more test in the next couple of months just to make sure EVERYTHING has been checked and we can rule out all possible causes that might impact any future pregnancies.

Justin and I are both staying busy at work, which is a blessing in this economy. The rest of our summer looks pretty busy with lots of fun things to do with Grayson, family, and friends. Every event and activity reminds us of just how blessed we are and what a wonderful life we have as crazy as it may be at times.

SO MANY BLESSINGS

I can now say that our little family has to be one of the most loved families in the world. There is no doubt that the last few weeks have been one of the most trying of my life. I am almost certain Justin and Grayson would agree. That being said, even now in the midst of our grief and sadness we can't ignore that fact that God has blessed us with an amazing support system to carry us thru. I can't imagine where we would be without the many people, family, friends, and coworkers, who have been praying and loving us thru the loss of Faith and Avery.

We have received hundreds of messages through e-mail, this site, and Facebook from people who are praying for us. Those messages often bring tears, but also encouragement. Every day has brought cards, flowers, and food. All of which brings joy to our day and again, encouragement. Our church small group has been here in that "just what we need" kind of way. They visit and allow us to talk about our girls when we need, but bring plenty of conversation about other things which is needed just as much.

I am certain that no other family is as amazing as our's. My mom didn't often leave my side at the hospital, but knew just when I needed some time alone. My sister has provided the support that only another sister and new mom can provide. My dad, always a source of encouragement and strength, is taking care of all the "not fun" details that come with the death of a family member. By doing that he has allowed us to focus on our healing. Justin's mom, brothers, sister-in law, sister, and my aunt Ret have managed to take care of us in just the right way by helping with Grayson and making home a comfy place to be. We have a huge family and they all, even those not individually mentioned, have all loved on us so much during this time.

I know that all of this support is nothing but a big gift from God. He has shown us over and over again that He will not bring us to something that He can't carry us thru. During this lifetime I may not know the exact reason why God chose to take our girls to Heaven before we thought we were ready. We can't always know those things during our time here. I have peace with that and I can press on thru this trial because I know that I will be able to spend an eternity with Faith and Avery in Heaven.

A VISIT WITH TWO ANGELS

This journal entry was originally written on the evening of May 9th.


This morning our family was visited by two angels. It seems like just yesterday that Justin and I were in complete shock over the news that we were expecting twins. It was such an amazing surprise and blessing. We began preparing our home and family for two new bundles and as soon as possible found out we would be welcoming baby girls. The excitement and joy we felt is something that can't be expressed by words.

Less than two weeks ago we discovered that our girls were facing some difficulties. An early loss of fluids for one of our girls meant that we would most likely not carry our babies to term. As we moved forward with the odds out of our favor, we tried to focus on the hope of a miracle and the faith that God is always in control. Our babies were covered in prayer and all we could do was wait for God's plan to unfold.

On Thursday afternoon, after a week of bed rest, I noticed some bleeding. After a call to my OB-GYN we were on our way to Duke. I was immediately moved from triage to Labor and Delivery. Although I was not yet dilated, my contractions were 2-4 minutes apart. I could feel both babies moving and ultrasound revealed strong heartbeats. It was explained to me that if labor progressed, then both babies would be delivered with no chance of survival. How could that be? I still feel them moving, I can see them moving on the screen, and I can't even feel these contractions. Justin and I immediately turned to prayer and waited. That was all we could do.

After 4 hours of contractions and tears the doctor came in at midnight to report that there had been no contractions detected for an hour. I was taken off the monitor and instructed to get some rest. During the night the nurse continued to monitor my temperature. According to the doctors, if my body went into labor it would be because there was an infection in the uterus. For that reason labor could not be stopped by medication. That would be risky to my health and likely not allow me to carry the babies 4 more weeks, which is what was necessary for viability. My temperature was monitored because that would be the first sign of infection.

On Friday afternoon I was moved from Labor and Delivery having had no contractions since the night before. The nurses continued to monitor my temperature which remained within the normal range. We continued to pray for our miracle and I continued to cherish every moment I felt those little girls kicking around.

Around 6 pm (same as the night before) I began to feel slight cramping. I requested that my nurse put me back on a monitor. After several denied requests the monitor was brought back in and it was confirmed that I was having contractions about every 10 minutes. I told myself that our girls just didn't like evening and that this would all be over by 11 or 12.

By 8 p.m. I could no longer deny that these contractions were different than the night before. They seemed to be coming more frequently and, unlike the night before, I could really feel these. I forced the reality that I was in labor out of my mind and continued to try to relax, drink water, pray, and believe that this would pass. It did not and by 11 I was screaming in pain. After many requests a doctor arrived around midnight and confirmed the reality that I was dreading. I was dilated 10 cm and would be moved back to Labor and Delivery right away.

I felt like someone had sucked all of the air out of the room. My mind went straight to the words of the doctor the night before, "no chance of survival". I refused to let my mind go there for very long. I could still feel both babies moving and we were determined that we would be blessed with a miracle.

I was moved right away and since it was too late for an epidural, the nurses began pain medication. At 1 am I was left in the labor and delivery room with Justin to wait for a sense of pressure letting me know it was time to push. For the first time I began to accept reality. This was our fate, our girls were coming too early to survive.

God blessed Justin and I with several hours. I had little pain, thanks to the medication, and we were able to talk, cry, and pray together preparing to say "hello" and "see you later" to our daughters. As a believer in God and Heaven there is no good-bye. Our thoughts went to lost dreams and ideas about what it would have been like with our family of 5. For five months we had imagined what it would be like to welcome and raise twin daughters, what it would be like for Grayson to have two sisters, and what it would be like to raise children so close in age. God had different plan for our family and we grieved those lost dreams.

At 5:15 a.m. we called for our nurse. I felt no sense of pressure, but instead a peace in my heart that we were ready to meet our first little girl. It was an easy, painless delivery. At 5:57 we welcomed Faith Caldwell in our arms. She was tiny and perfect weighing 9.9 ounces and 10 inches in length. I had felt a lot of heartache over the idea that I would only see my girls move on a monitor and feel them in my womb. That heartache quickly went away as the nurse place a very much alive and moving Faith into my arms. Just like she had been doing for several weeks she kicked her legs and moved her arms slightly. Justin and I were able to hold her, hug her, kiss her, and tell her just how much we loved her before she passed peacefully to be with her Heavenly Father.

The doctor explained that because she was so small our next little girl may not be delivered for some time. After little progression the doctor started Pitocin. It was devastating for me. I felt like we were forcing her out and she wasn't ready. If my body wasn't ready to deliver her, why couldn't she be saved? Justin comforted me and explained that it was only because she was so small and that stopping labor at this point would be dangerous for me and the baby. I was in labor and even though it didn't feel like it, this little baby wasn't going to wait.

Around 7:00 am I began to feel intense pain. I screamed out and fear consumed me. Justin called for the nurse and before she could come in I realized that it was time to push. At 7:15 Avery Caldwell entered the world. We were blessed with another tiny, perfect, and alive baby girl. Avery weighed 10.8 ounces and was 9.9 inches in length. Avery came to my arms with her mouth moving just the way it had in every ultrasound picture. I can only imagine that she would have been the twin with much to say. Avery passed quickly, faster than her sister, but not without feeling the hugs, kisses, and "We love you" whispers of her mommy and daddy.

The rest of the morning progressed with much difficulty both emotionally and physically. I was only able to deliver one placenta and required a D and C. Before the D and C my blood pressure dropped and I was told I needed a blood transfusion. The blood transfusion began during surgery. I had a reaction to the blood resulting in swelling of my throat and face. Fortunately I was awake and could voice what I was experiencing. Benadryl was started right away and the procedure was completed. I was in recovery for several hours first with intense shivers and continued swelling in my face. After that passed the Benadryl and fatigue took over and I slept.

After recovery I was able to return to my room. There waiting for me were my two babies. Faith and Avery appeared to be sleeping peacefully. My mind quickly went to an image of two toddler girls dancing in Heaven. I will thank God for that vision every day for the rest of my life. Justin and I were able to spend some time with our girls before saying our final "see you later" to each baby and giving them one last hug.

I will never forget the emotional and physical pain of this day. It would be easy to get lost in the grief and anger by focusing on our loss. I will have to work hard to keep that from happening. Fortunately we have many blessings to focus on instead. God blessed us with two baby girls to love for a lifetime. We have found comfort in the knowledge that our girls were blessed with the perfect life. They were created, loved by a family, held a kissed by a mommy and daddy, then journeyed straight to Heaven before having to experience any of the pain and hurt of this world. What about our miracle? We got it. No it wasn't the miracle we were hoping for, but I was able to hold my living daughters and tell them I love them. That will be enough of a miracle for me. I know that God's plan is perfect, even when it isn't the plan we hoped for. Faith and Avery may never live in our home here, but we will be together one day. Until then we have peace knowing that we have two angels waiting for us in Heaven.

UPDATE

Well I think Grayson is finally getting used to the new way of doing things around here. I am sure he wonders why mommy's legs don't walk around any more and why her arms don't pick him up. Don't you wonder what goes on in their little heads? Despite what he might be wondering, he seems to have adjusted to things. He plays near me and will come up to where I am and try to play with me. He sits with me for his milk in the morning and at night and if it isn't too late he gets story time with mommy before bed. He has had lots of visitors. His aunt Red is staying and he had Lisa with him all day yesterday.

I still can't get over how blessed we are!!! There are thousands of people praying for us, I continue to receive encouraging e-mails from all over the country, and we have people offering meals and other forms of help often. It is amazing! God is so good!

Our girls continue to hang in there. As I explained before, most women with PPROM go into labor within one week or less. Monday marked one week since I first noticed I was losing fluid and today marks one week since I was diagnosed. These girls are fighters!

There is another risk besides labor. There is a chance that Baby A (we still don't have names) will die in utero and we will not know it until we go for an ultrasound. We have one week until our next ultrasound. That being said, I feel like both babies are moving well. It is hard to tell with twins, but I am pretty sure I know where they are positioned and I can feel movement in both areas. Also, they occasionally move at the same time. That is a really neat feeling. Also I continue to lose fluid every day. Not ideal, but I have decided to think of it in a more positive way. This is not medical fact and I refuse to spend any time researching on the Internet because it just discourages me. My thoughts are that since there was no fluid when the doctors looked last week, then continued loss of fluid means she is still making fluid. To make fluid her kidneys have to be working. If her kidneys are working then she is still alive. That is my positive way of looking at the continued loss of fluid.

Our next milestone is tomorrow. That is when I will be at 20 weeks. Although the specialist from Duke Perinatal does not consider babies viable until 24 weeks, the NICU staff at Duke considers a baby viable at 20 weeks. Now, obviously we are praying and believing that God's miracle for our babies is to keep them in there growing and thriving until more like 33-36 weeks. However, the short-term goals help the time pass faster and gives us motivation each time we reach one.

Please continue to pray that Grayson and Justin will feel loved and cared for during this time, that I will continue to stay busy with the days passing quickly, that our little miracles will continue to grow, thrive, and make more fluid, that labor will not begin for a very long time, AND that all of these amazing people will be blessed in a tremendous way for all the ways that they are blessing us.

HOME SWEET HOME / UPDATE

Grayson has been on a little vacation to Granny and Granpa's house in Wade. With all that was going on in our house, we decided that it may be good to get him away for some fun while we settled into a new normal. On Thursday of last week Grandpa came to pick up an unusually fussy and really congested Gray Bear. I can only figure that he was already reacting to the change in routine and lack of Mommy.

Thankfully he returned home last night. Justin and I were both missing our little man like crazy. I think Grayson missed us too, but there is no doubt he had a blast and got a little spoiled too. Grayson spent his days shopping, riding and apparently "driving" the golf cart, dining out with family and friends, visiting Great-Granny, and bird watching. Between having Granny and Grandpa to take Grayson over the weekend, having mom, Brooke, Ret, and Troy helping around our house this weekend, and the amazing amount of e-mails and calls from people praying for us we have never felt more blessed. It is amazing to realize how many people you have loving and supporting you in times like these.

I also want to update everyone on our girls. I have been on bed rest officially for 5 days. There are no signs of contractions or labor, which I think is a huge surprise to the doctors. As of tomorrow we will have made it beyond the one-week goal. Remember I said that the majority of women go into labor and lose both babies within the first week. This is one situation that I am thankful to be in the minority and hope to stay there. I spoke with my OB-GYN this morning and he was optimistic and happy to hear that I am hanging in there. We talked about the odds (the realty I hate to hear), but he is a Christian and is also praying for a miracle for our babies. On Friday of last week I was told by my doctor at Duke Perinatal to go to Western Wake (where my OB is) if I go into labor. I discussed this with Dr. Brannon, my OB, today and we both agreed that the best place for me in preterm labor would be Duke, not Western Wake. He assured me that he wants the greatest chance of survival for my babies and that would be at Duke. No I am not becoming discouraged. I am still believing in God for a miracle and hope to not make a move to Duke until I am admitted there at 24 weeks, but it would be foolish to not make a plan for preterm labor between now and then. Our continued prayer needs for now are that I would not go into labor, Baby A will continue to survive and thrive in the womb, and that she will continue to produce fluid and hang on to enough of it.
Thanks again for all the prayers and support.