ON MY HEART

So posting about this has been on my heart for a while and I know that in this moment I am not going to be able to write about it like I have been hoping. Not tonight because this topic that has been weighing heavy on my heart has been pushed to the front of my mind by the real needs of friends.

The topic is having babies. Not actually delivering them but the whole process from getting pregnant, to carrying a baby to term, and having a healthy and successful delivery. If you've ever spent time actually learning about this entire process (and I don't mean the 8th grade health class version of making babies) you must have realized that it is nothing short of a miracle that we are all here. Having babies is truly a miracle and miracle that is more complex and divine than I think most people can imagine.

I can say that because I have first hand experience of how difficult it can be to become pregnant. Grayson was a miracle. The month he was conceived I had a test run that revealed a low hormone (Progesterone). Those test results indicated that I was not ovulating and could not become pregnant. At the appointment where I learned that I was pregnant with Grayson I was actually at the doctor to talk about beginning medication to make me ovulate since my body seemed to be having trouble with that. The doctor was astounded that I was pregnant and said "plus one for God on this one because according to your test results you shouldn't have been able to get pregnant this month". After losing our girls I wanted more than anything to have another baby. Re-enter to our lives the ovulating issue. This time I did go on one round of Femara to trick my body into ovulating. That one round worked and I am now carrying our current miracle (which is actually miracle number 4 for us).

I also have first hand experience with how difficult it can be to carry a baby to term. I was unable to do that for Faith and Avery, our twins. If you don't know their story you should read it sometime. Faith and Avery were conceived when Grayson was just 9 months old. In January of 2009 I got a positive on a pregnancy test (despite nursing and my previous ovulation issues) and a few days later discovered I was carrying miracle numbers 2 and 3. They were not meant to join our family here on Earth. My water broke early. It happens more than most people realize and is very serious. It almost always results in pre-term labor. Labor and delivery before 24 weeks means that your baby is not viable by medical standards. My girls were born at 22 weeks. MANY, MANY women lose babies at all different points in their pregnancies and MANY say good-bye to their babies at full-term. Most often these losses are with no explanation.

I give all of this information to get to my point that getting pregnant and having a healthy baby is an insane miracle. In a world where teen pregnancy rates are high and the abortion debate is constantly in the news, there are so many women who long to become mom's and are facing incredible difficulty. I can't even begin to count the number of friends and acquaintances I have who are struggling with this at this very moment. There are those who can't seem to get pregnant no matter how much prayer, time, energy, and money they pour into the process, there are those that can't seem to carry a baby to full-term no matter how well they take care of themselves, and there are those that have suffered the loss of a full-term newborn baby due to trauma during delivery.

I have struggled with this lately. Why is is that there are so many unwanted pregnancies that end in abortion, why are there so many women out there who are admittedly unable to care for a child properly getting pregnant over and over again, and why is it that the people who desire it most can't seem to have a child of their own? AND, don't even get me started about the lengthy and expensive process of adoption for those who have decided to embrace that journey. I don't understand. Typically in this type of post I would have something here to share that God had revealed to me about the idea I am struggling with. Tonight I don't. God is still working on my heart with this topic.

So why share now? With each passing day I discover that another friend is struggling with this. Most of them feel alone and frustrated. Most of them feel like they are the only one with such a desire that has yet to be fulfilled. Each story is just as heartbreaking as the one before and each one of these women would make wonderful mothers. I share these thoughts at this time just to point out the fact. Having babies isn't easy for everyone. There are women out there who want a baby of their own with every ounce of their being and can't seem to get there. There are so many of them. In fact, I bet you know a few of them and don't even realize it.

Tonight this is at the front of my mind. This topic that has been doing a number on my heart for a long time is on my mind because of those I know who are living it. Tonight I will be praying specifically for a friend who got more bad news at an OB appointment today about her efforts to have a baby and may need surgery, I will be praying for another friend who is about to start a new type of treatment to help her conceive, I will be praying for another friend who has been waiting for years to be a mom and her adoption process just isn't moving forward as quickly as her heart would like for it to, and I will be praying for a friend who just found out her water broke at 16 weeks and the chances of her baby making it to 24 weeks are slim. Please pray for these friends of mine too.