LITTLE ANKLE BITER

I have been going back and forth for several months about our childcare situation. For those of you who don't know, Grayson is in daycare on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. On Tuesday and Thursday he in the a church preschool program from 9 until 12:30. This means on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I go to work all day and on Tuesday and Thursday I work until pick-up time at 12:30. Typically on one of those days per week, Tuesday or Thursday Grayson will go back to my office while I finish up my work for the day. He naps right after preschool so he just goes to sleep when he gets there.

For me this situation isn't ideal. I love my job and it has always been my dream to have my own practice, but being a business owner and clinical director does not allow me to be at home as much as I would like. Truthfully, there are days when I think I would really enjoy being able to stay at home full-time and then there are days that I can't imagine not having my work to go to because I enjoy it so very much. It helps that I work alongside many mothers who are in the same situation and love what they do as much as I do. Most of our therapists with children are part-time. So, for now I juggle both. I still consider myself a part-time stay at home mom and full-time clinical director and that is really what I am doing. Think about that for a minute. Full-time plus part-time? On most days I manage it well, but on some days I feel like I am doing neither successfully.

That was sort of a tangent. I really didn't mean to write this post about what my day looks like. It is supposed to be about Grayson's days. SO. . .you have his schedule and that is really what I am struggling with. Since right now I can't arrange to be at home more(This summer that will change for maternity leave), we have arranged for Grayson to be cared for while I am at work. We LOVE his preschool classroom/teachers and he loves it there. There is a lot of structure (Grayson thrives with structure) and because it is at a church they work hard to instill Christian values, character, and seem to really be supporting what we teach at home. Daycare, not so much. Don't get me wrong. Everyone at daycare is kind and wonderful. They all love Grayson and have known him since he was almost 4 months old when he started. Those people were a huge support for us when we lost our girls and continue to be great to us. The center is Christian owned, but it is a daycare. That means you get a mix of all types of people with all types of beliefs.

We are working very hard to train Grayson up and shepherd his heart so that he is a child that loves God with all of his heart, respects others, is a contributing member of society, and lives in a way that pleases God. Yes, we realize that is a big job, but it is what we are called to do as parents. What does that look like in a 22 month old? Well, we expect Grayson to be kind to others, share, listen and obey, use polite words (please, thank-you, etc.), and help at home. Yes, he has chores. I help him with all of them, but he is expected to make his bed and pick up his toys. Is he perfect? No, neither are we. When he does something that would not be pleasing to God (and does not please his parents), we look at that as a teaching moment and an opportunity to show him how to seek forgiveness. AFter all, God watches us fail every day and uses those moments to love us, teach us, and forgive us again and again. Again, tangent. That could be a whole other post.

So here is my current issue and source of some sleepless nights. Grayson does not seem to enjoy daycare as much as preschool and I am not enjoying what he is learning there. Grayson cries when I drop him off. Now, he is having a blast when I pick him up, but I think it is representative of something (I don't know what) that he cries there and clings to me, but I can barely get a "bye-bye" at preschool because he is in such a hurry to get inside. Where preschool seems to support and back-up what we are doing at home, daycare may not be. I say "may" because I don't really know. What I do know is that Grayson has been bitten twice, has had his lip busted once, and regularly comes home with strange scrapes and what not. Now, I am not delusional. I know that he is a boy and will get hurt during play. These injuries are most often being inflicted upon him. I have the incident reports to prove it. Additionally, I have been in the class when a child is hurt by another and most often there is no redirection, no discipline, no nothing. Well, I have seen like one forced apology.

The problem is that Grayson is seeing behaviors accepted all day long that are not acceptable in our home. He is learning behaviors that I am not happy with. He is learning to scream words like "mine" and "no" when he doesn't want to share or follow a rule. That is NOT okay with me. I expect him to test his boundaries and pick things up here and there. I don't expect him to always want to share or follow the rules. He is a sinner like the rest of us and will not always get it right. The issue is that he is taught at home that when he is not being kind or obedient, he is punished or redirected (depending on the offense)and required to seek forgiveness. That is not the model at daycare which I feel sends him conflicting messages. On the afternoons he returns from daycare he is a different child. He is "different" for about two hours. He cries easily, does not listen to directions, breaks rules, tantrums, and the list can go on and on. THAT is not my child. It takes two hours to train him back to the way we expect him to act at home. It is frustrating.

That final straw came last night. He was frustrated that I would not let him have a snack 20 minutes before dinner. He became angry and laid on the floor. That isn't such a big deal. Everyone gets angry and he was attempting to calm himself down. However, his anger got the best of him and he bit the top of my foot. WHAT?!?!?!? Yes, he bit me. He bit me hard. That is my daycare child. My Grayson does not typically act out in anger that way. He was shocked when he got punished for hurting mommy. My guess is because biting out of anger happens regularly at daycare with little consequence.

So what do we do? I don't know. I have considered seeking a nanny for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. The issue is that we only need someone until June when I will be more available due to the slowing of my work schedule and the start of maternity leave. I can't be home on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday right now because of my work responsibilities. I could possibly manage to take him to work on Wednesday and Friday, but on Monday I am in Wilson doing contract work. Also, having him at my office all day doesn't make for a very productive day for anyone there. He loves the front office people and works hard to keep their attention. However, from now until June is 4 whole months and I don't feel like we are doing our job as parents if we leave him in a situation we know is not best for him. Any ideas????