OCTOBER 15th

When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses his or her partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose a child there isn't a word to describe them.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, as proclaimed by Former President Ronald Reagan in 1988. Today, October 15th is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss and Remembrance Day, a special day to honor and acknowledge babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, prematurity complications, neonatal death, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome-SIDS, illness, accidents, and other tragic causes. Pink and Light Blue are the awareness colors.

It has been 1 year, 5 months, and six days since we said good-bye to Faith and Avery. I don't need a special day to remember them. I think of them every day and on most days I think of them often throughout the day. It is nice to have a day set aside to know we are not alone and to know that there are other parents out there who can relate to how we feel every day. My stomach still sinks everytime I see twins and tears sting my eyes when they are girls around age one. My heart still aches when I walk through the little girl's clothing in a department store. My chest gets tight when I see a double stroller loaded with matching carriers. I still wake up feeling sick on the 9th day of every month that is why on most months I try not to pay attention to the dates. There are still Saturdays that I wake up around 5 and 7 am feeling heartbroken. I feel angry when individuals who know us fail to remember them. It was devastating when some family members didn't even acknowledge their birthday (yes, that happened). It is possible they remembered but they certainly didn't let us know they rememberd or cared.

Losing a child whether it be due to premature birth, miscarriage, infant death, or any other way is not pleasant to think about, not easy to talk about, but is very real. It happens to so many families every year. It is a sad, tragic reality.

So today is a day dedicated to this. We are not alone and today I will not only be remembering my sweet girls but I will also be praying for all of my friends who are the mothers of angels. We all miss our "what might have been babies". Tonight Justin and I will attend a ceremony in Raleigh for this occasion and to remember the babies lost in our area. Faith and Avery's names will be read aloud during the ceremony. We didn't participate last year. We weren't ready. I am looking forward to tonight.