OCTOBER 15th

When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses his or her partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose a child there isn't a word to describe them.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, as proclaimed by Former President Ronald Reagan in 1988. Today, October 15th is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss and Remembrance Day, a special day to honor and acknowledge babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, prematurity complications, neonatal death, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome-SIDS, illness, accidents, and other tragic causes. Pink and Light Blue are the awareness colors.

It has been 1 year, 5 months, and six days since we said good-bye to Faith and Avery. I don't need a special day to remember them. I think of them every day and on most days I think of them often throughout the day. It is nice to have a day set aside to know we are not alone and to know that there are other parents out there who can relate to how we feel every day. My stomach still sinks everytime I see twins and tears sting my eyes when they are girls around age one. My heart still aches when I walk through the little girl's clothing in a department store. My chest gets tight when I see a double stroller loaded with matching carriers. I still wake up feeling sick on the 9th day of every month that is why on most months I try not to pay attention to the dates. There are still Saturdays that I wake up around 5 and 7 am feeling heartbroken. I feel angry when individuals who know us fail to remember them. It was devastating when some family members didn't even acknowledge their birthday (yes, that happened). It is possible they remembered but they certainly didn't let us know they rememberd or cared.

Losing a child whether it be due to premature birth, miscarriage, infant death, or any other way is not pleasant to think about, not easy to talk about, but is very real. It happens to so many families every year. It is a sad, tragic reality.

So today is a day dedicated to this. We are not alone and today I will not only be remembering my sweet girls but I will also be praying for all of my friends who are the mothers of angels. We all miss our "what might have been babies". Tonight Justin and I will attend a ceremony in Raleigh for this occasion and to remember the babies lost in our area. Faith and Avery's names will be read aloud during the ceremony. We didn't participate last year. We weren't ready. I am looking forward to tonight.

STILL HERE, STILL ALIVE

Yes, we have been MIA for a while now. Just prior to our vacation in September things in our life took off in a crazy direction. It required some reorganizing for a while and the blog had to take a back seat. Things are beginning to settle down and I am feeling like I need to get back to the blog world. I have been following along with all of my bloggy friends and keeping up with them, but have not been able to take the time to post myself. I have really missed it. Blogging is a way for me to document, vent, feel supported, and share. I have missed that.

Our big life change was in the works for a while, but finally came to be on September 1st. I officially own my own business and have taken over the work of the company I have been a part of for the last three years. For those of you who don't know me THAT well, I am a Speech Language Pathologist. For the last three years I have been with a company serving as manager and clinical director. I am now running my own company and it is great! Insanely busy, but great. All of this came to be rather quickly and in a really complicated way, but as always God's plan is playing out and we are holding on as tight as we can for the ride praying every day that even in the work place I am serving Him and bringing glory to His name.

I will be posting again and catching you all up on what has been happening around here. It will take lots of posts to really catch-up. I know I don't have a whole ton of readers, but I have missed you all and can't wait to catch you up on all that has been on my mind for the last month and a half.