BAYLOR BOO TURNS ONE

That's right folks, my sweet baby is one. He is quickly growing out of the baby stage much to his mommy's disappointment. I would swear that the younger kids grow up so much faster just because they have an older sibling they are trying to keep up with.

For his birthday party we had a swimming party at his Nannie and Grandpa's house. They have a really nice pool and a nice big yard so it was perfect. Baylor's nursery theme is turtles, so his first birthday theme was turtles. It was mostly family and a few close friends there. Since my dad lives about an hour from where we are, we didn't expect a lot of our friends to drive that far to the party. A few did and the reminder that we have friends who love our kids so much was nice.

On his actual birthday we planned to take muffins to his preschool class. However, Baylor got sick and was not able to go to school that day. It was the last week of the 1st Summer session before the week long break. So, no class party this year. We will have to really make a big deal next year. We did have a party for him at home and made sure he knew it was his special day. He loved every time someone sang Happy Birthday to him and was trying to sing it himself by the end of the day.

I always make the boys' cakes on their birthdays, but that was not an option for Baylor's party. I injured my ankle and was on crutches all week. Crutches and a bum ankle make cake baking and decorating impossible. A couple of weeks before we went to a friend's birthday party and her cake was adorable and yummy. I was able to get in touch with the lady who did that cake and she assured me that it would be no problem to do a cake for the party five days away. I sent her a picture of the nursery crib bedding so she would know the color scheme of the party, described the cake I had in mind, and told her that I trusted her artistic talents to do what she thought would look good. I had viewed some cakes she did on a website and felt like she was a great cake decorator. I am now convinced those pictures can't be her work and I am seriously doubting she actually did my friend's cake. The cake was horrible. The colors were all wrong. The turtles on the cake looked like something a preschooler made out of play dough. The stripes were uneven and the fondant was bubbled and cracking. The cake was 2-tiered and the top tier was collapsing into the bottom tier because she used straws for support instead of cakes dowels. On top of that it didn't even taste good. You could totally tell she baked it months ago and it had been sitting in a freezer. Baylor's smash cake looked like something a middle school kid made, but it did at least taste good. I guess she baked it fresh the week of. Never again will I let someone else make a cake for the boys' birthdays. Lesson learned!

Baylor loves anything that goes. He loves riding toys and he loves to push his brother's cars and motorcycles around. He really likes to clap for himself and to sing. His favorite songs are Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Itsy Bitsy Spider. He is very independent for the most part. At least once a day he likes to go into his room alone and just play by himself. He loves his brother, no doubt about that, and any time Grayson plays with him he is on could nine. However, there are those times when Baylor just wants to be in his room playing alone. He will stay in there for about an hour and totally entertain himself.

Baylor has taken some steps but still prefers to crawl. Crawling is faster! He is also in to everything. He loves to eat and will scarf down just about anything you put in front of him. At his birthday party he devoured his cake. In fact, we had to take it away from him. At his check-up he weighed almost 20 lbs. Baylor is energetic and runs full throttle from the time he wakes until he crashes into the bed. Despite his enormous amount of energy and desire to be in to everything he is still the best cuddle bug I know. Baylor loves to cuddle and snuggle. He will crawl right up in your lap, put those little arms around your neck, nuzzle his face into your chest, and just squeeze as tight as he can. When he is tired he will tuck those little arms down in front of his stomach and just snuggle there. Those are some of my most favorite moments of the day. He has the cutest personality, seriously he is just overflowing with it. He has the most hysterical expressions and although he isn't saying much yet, you can tell what he is thinking because it is written all over his face. Baylor can say a few things besides "daddy" which he has been saying since about 8 months. He can also say "bye-bye", "ma-ma", and "uh-oh". He is a very rough and tumble kind of kid and has no fear. He goes after things with all of his will and gets very frustrated when he can't get or do what he wants. Nothing makes him more frustrated than to hear the word "no". I joke that we should get Baylor a job testing all things that claim to be baby-proof or child friendly. He like to push the limits and if there is a barrier in his way he uses his determination and strength (yeah he is strong) to try to get past it. We have had the same baby-proof door knob cover on the door knob to our garage since Grayson was born. For a while Baylor has been pulling up trying to grab it, but he hasn't been tall enough. On the day he became tall enough to reach it he climbed up, grabbed a hold, and ripped the thing right off. I have never seen a more determined child. My prayer is that God will use that determined spirit and loving heart in a mighty way.

Happy 1st Birthday, Baylor Boo! We love you so very much!!!

St. Lucia

This year has gotten off to a rough start. We have been through a major and expensive flood at our rental property, lots of sickness, and some big changes at my job that make the future very scary. What better time than now for a getaway? Fortunately we have two very special friends, Matt and Kelly, who decided to get married in a really beautiful place. On May 11th Justin and I said good-bye to our boys for seven days and boarded a place to paradise. It was an amazing trip and I know of no other way to sum it up than to post a few pics.

Here we are on one of our first days having lunch at our wonderful resort.

Kacey and I have been great friends since college. She lives in FL and it was such a treat to spend time with both she and her sweet hubby.

Here we are in the healing mud bath of a volcano. Don't judge! It was good for your skin. Oh and the other couples are Kacey and Chris and Matt and Kelly(the bride and groom).

Here are the girls with the beautiful bride.

The bride and groom with all of their wedding guests. Are they loved or what? That is one large group considering everyone traveled from pretty far away to be there. Most of Matt's family came all the way from the UK.

One last one of the hubby and I doing what you do on a Tropical Island at an all inclusive resort. You relax!

Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Edwards for allowing us to be a part of your special day. It was a trip we will never forget.

TWO YEARS

Faith and Avery are two years old today and they are celebrating in heaven instead of here with us. In some respects this day has gotten easier and in some ways it is so much harder with each passing year. Easier because time heals everything to an extent. Easier because today is a birthday it isn't the day we said good-bye two years ago. Easier because we aren't still sitting in the hospital in disbelief. We have accepted and done our best to move forward.

But it is harder in so many ways. Its harder because we don't have little toddler girls running around our house and I think about that every day. Harder because twins are everywhere and I am sure I have seen at least a dozen today. Harder because with each passing year what we thought would be is further and further away.

God did a lot of good things in our life through the loss of our daughters. That I will never deny. I also know better than to question His most perfect plan. BUT today I am allowed to just be a bit angry, a lot sad, and a mom who did the one thing no mother should never have to do. I am a mom who held her daughters as life left their little bodies two years ago today and that is just hard.

GRAY BEAR IS THREE

It is so hard to believe that my oldest son is already three. Time just keeps flying by. I have decided and started to accept that is just the nature of being a mom. Your kids just grow up faster than you want them to. I said I am accepting it, that doesn't mean I am okay with it.

For Grayson's third birthday we had a party with his friends at Marbles. Marbles is the children's museum in our home town. Grayson wanted a Toy Story party and that is what he got. His party included 24 of he best toddler friends and a lot of fun. Since Grayson's actual birthday fell on Good Friday, we decided to have his party the weekend before and the turn out proved we made the best decision. He had a Toy Story cake made by mommy with help from daddy and Aunt B. It was adorable. It was also a lifesaver that Aunt B and Peyt came up to help the day before the party. On Friday morning I woke up with a horrible case of mastitis. I was about as sick as I have ever been. Thankfully I not only had wonderful help, but for once I had already purchased almost everything I needed for the party so that I only had the cake to work on Friday. On his actual birthday we had a family party, just the four of us and he had popsicles at school with his friends.

At his three-year check up Grayson weighed 28 1/4 lbs., he was 36 inches tall, and had a BMI of 15.3. He is slight but is so adorable. My sweet little three year old is still wearing size 18-24 month clothing. It is very hard to find pants for him because although he is super skinny he has pretty long legs. Adjustable waist are the only thing that works.

His best friends at school are Davis and Dawson and he says he is going to marry Rin. He loves any opportunity to see his cousin Peyton. They play together like brothers and it is just too fun to watch. Besides all of that, his most favorite person in the world is his little brother. He loves Baylor in a way that makes my heart melt. He is more kind, generous, and patient with his brother than I ever even imagined a three-year old could be capable of. He looks for Baylor first thing in the morning and is certain to give him a big kiss before he goes to bed at night.

Grayson loves TV. Yep, he loves it to the point that we have to keep firm limits on TV watching and being told he can't watch something he wants almost always brings big tears to his eyes. He also loves superheroes, Toy Story, motorcycles, and playing ball (he has an amazing arm). He loves to dress up in his Spider Man costume and pretend he is getting the bad guys. Yep, he is all boy! At three he still says he wants to be a doctor when he grows up which is fine with us as long as his doesn't go to Carolina for it.

At three Grayson is the sweetest most tender little boy I have ever met. He is about as sweet as they come. He is kind to everyone but tends to be a little shy in new situations. He is tender-hearted in a way that reminds me of myself when I was little. The smallest reprimand can bring tears to his eyes and he genuinely wants his mommy and daddy to be proud of him at all times. He is a very good little boy and rarely requires more than one reminder to make the right decision or obey the rules. He is about as far as you can get from rebellious. He cares for others without reservation and with the gentle innocence only a child can possess. He doesn't yet know to be fearful of the scary things in the world and wants to make sure everyone is loved and taken care of. He still prays often for a homeless man I mentioned months ago and still questions why he can't come live in our house. God will do great things with a heart like that.

Happy Birthday sweet boy. Mommy and daddy are proud and blessed to be your parents EVERY day. I love you too much!

NO MATTER WHAT

Things have been insane lately. Remember this post about starting our New Year over on February 1? Yeah well things have been even crazier since that post. Baylor had RSV, we had two (yep, two) floods at our rental property, a fire in my office building, Justin is sick again, and that is just the major stuff. Additionally work has been really wild for more reasons than I care to blog about, basically increasing my work-load by double. I am now carrying a full caseload in addition to my management responsiblities.

It also seems every week has brought with it a MAJOR to-do. What are MAJOR to-dos you ask. Well, those are things like preschool registration for 2011-2012, Grayson transitioning to five-day preschool, booking and paying for a big vacation/friend's wedding in May, the purchase of a mini-van out of requirement because my old car was a lease that was ending, and having a suspicious mole removed (that turned out to be fine. PRAISE). Before I go any further. . . Yes, we know leasing is not a smart financial decision. That was not our decision. That lease was part of an employment package. It wasn't our lease.

Things have just been crazy. Some people have said things to me like, "oh this is normal when you have two small children" or "you better get used to it". No, I don't think this is "normal" just because we have two small children. Things like flood, fire, and big financial stresses are not "normal". I feel like we are in the midst of a hail storm on most days. I feel like I spend most days trying to keep from drowning in the insanity, nevermind the laundry which literally went a good two weeks with no attention. I am not even kidding. We got to a point that it had to be done because there was nothing clean to wear. Don't even get me started on the house cleaning and we are potty training again. Yep, Grayson completely regressed and REFUSED to go potty after being almost completely trained. We went back to diapers because I refused to get into a battle of wills with him. We are back at it now and he is in his underwear today following a long explanation that his baby diaper are all gone and he is not allowed to wear them. He can potty successfully. He has proved that.

So, I was getting all frustrated with life in general and really questioning why, when I was desiring so much to grow in a deeper relationship with God, did it seem like He was making it impossible. When things are as insane as they have been there is little time for quiet time with God. Then it hit me. Things have been crazy since around December. In December I had a real heart to heart with God about my desires to have a deeper relationship with Him and to really start spending more time in personal devotion and devotion as a family. Cue the insanity.

I was driving in the car Thursday just praying that God would speak to me and give me some peace about the storm I feel surrounds me. After I finished praying I turned on the radio and God spoke to me right through the song that came on. I wanted to share it with the few of you that have stuck around despite my absence.

I know the closer I grow to God, the more the enemy will try to distract me from that relationship. No matter what I am going through and what the enemy uses to trip me up, God is still there working to make beautiful this mess of our lives.

Enjoy!

UPDATE ON SPAWNWATCH

Hi friends! Thanks to all of you who have been praying for my dear friends over at Spawnwatch. They got really great news today. Hop on over to their blog and check it out! Thanks again for the prayers. God is so good!

JOIN ME

Please join me in prayer today for "N" and "M" my friends who are hoping for a successful pregnancy today after their third IVF procedure (2nd FET). You can follow their story here.